happy birthday?

My past birthdays have been meaningful or happy. Last year I spent it in school and at a wake. But this year's seemed like neither. And it makes me ask: why do we wish people 'happy birthday'? Won't it create a false sense of privileged entitlement that people try to seek or fulfill? How does a person congratulate himself for his years of existence? Is the day I was born really my day? I didn't create it, neither do I own it, nor should I expect that others should please or maybe even pander to me and my desires.

Which firstly, makes all the birthday wishes, handmade and bought presents, lovely notes, and a surprise birthday dinner all so unexpected.

Which secondly, helps me to deflate myself. I had expected my birthday to be nice and pleasant: no school, sleeping in for the morning, chilling at home, opening a mystery package, thanking people for their wishes, and go to bed. It didn't quite turn out this way. I got woken up by a quarrel, and when I finally woke up (there's a difference), I got some bad news. It wasn't bad news about me, but it involved people I love. I was reeling from shock and anger so much that my hands were shaking. I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me the entire day, especially since the bad news may take weeks or months to be reconciled.

My first reaction was 'Thanks for the great news on my birthday', the second was 'God, you are cruel to me, even on my birthday'.

But who said it was my day in the first place? What makes me think that all should go well and my birthday should be very comfortable - all in the name of self-preservation?

I know that the God I worship is not cruel, but it was a portrayal I created out of selfishness and arrogance. He is Sovereign and he is Love - mushy love, fatherly love, tough love, healing love, liberating love. He showed it to me by calming me down and counseling me constantly, teaching me to pray for the people I was angry towards. It's very incredible that my intense emotions simmered down in just ten minutes or so as I asked him for help on how to feel and think about the problem, and I know that it would not have been possible by human effort unless I choose apathy. Even though it hurts, I will choose to continue loving and thus sharing the hurting burdens that people I love carry, even if it's on my birthday.

So my point is, birthdays aren't always happy. Thankfully God keeps the peace of Christ in my heart. The peace of Christ, which does not fluctuate or cease to exist depending on conditions external to the person's soul, but stays the same even in the face of physical death. According to Matthew 14:27, Jesus said to his twelve selected followers (aka The Twelve Apostles) on the night he knew he was to be arrested and crucified,

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

He said that because he knew that if the good religious people clamped down on him the leader, surely they will exterminate those who were to take over his leadership (John 15: 18-21, 16: 2-4, Mark 14: 27, Matthew 26: 31). And it did happen in AD 64 when Nero framed those who follow Jesus as the culprits for the Great Fire of Rome, so they fled for the mountains and further up east into Europe.

For this sobering lesson of humility and love, I can only say - thank you for your love and mercy, Jesus.