In my hardship, I could not see Jesus. In my heart, I could not see how He was good in the midst of one of the hardest times I've gone through so far. I lost my appetite, my sleep, a lot of hair, my ability to stand up and walk. I lost color from my face, and I could not smile for days, let alone laugh. I lost my voice and could not speak, and in the following two weeks, I felt two growths in my throat. My neck and head hurt too. But these were the least of concerns to me...because it felt like what I had lost was everything that mattered in life.
Though Jesus suffered my misunderstandings of Him, He has been patiently nursing my wounds. He grieved with me and comforted me, and sustained my life. He gave me courage to cut out without mercy things that hurt me, even though that was the only hope I had left. He is healing me so that now I can enjoy food again and praise Him with a voice that He so loves to hear. He has restored His color and radiance to my face, and now I smile and can laugh. In cutting out my own hopes, he is replacing the void in my chest with His hope, just like He did for Abraham. With his love, which is better than life, He recovered my life.
It still hurts, but He has been making me better and will continue to do so till I'm fully well. And He speaks to me every day about how much He loves me. Once, in my sadness and fear, He told me, "My child, you're still the rose". And just today, I realized that a flower which so captivated me three months ago because it resembled the English rose, was also known as the rose of Sharon.
It probably is not the exact kind of flower talked about when Song of Solomon used the term "rose of Sharon". But it is all so clear now...this is the seventh time that Jesus has given me roses and things related to roses. Today, I know that my Lover is asking me this.
Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.
And I say yes. Jesus, my One True Love, yes, I'm coming with You now.