life and society - the collection

In November 2011, I invited 12 friends to write for my inaugural guest series "life and society". They are from and/or currently live in many different places in the world, but what's the cooler thing is that it's a collection of diverse interests and opinions, all concerned with the deliberately vague topic about our lives and society.

If you missed out, here's a content list of the articles. Alternatively you can also click on the "life and society" tag.

Legacy by Neil Mark Enriquez (Iligan, Quezon) 

The Singaporean Obsession with Studying Overseas (For a Year) by Daryl Wong (Singapore) 

Hard to Survive by Mercy Laine (Tucson, Chengdu) 

Our Connection to Things by Elaine Gan (Melbourne) 

Street Life in Hanoi by Rachel Grace Bok (Singapore) 

Graduate School by Alejandro Proaño (Tucson, Quito) 

Confessions of a Christmas Skeptic by Jonathan Sng (Singapore) 

On Perfection by Suanne Chan (Singapore) 

BAh, Psychology by Marcus Seng (Singapore) 

Dear Me: A letter to my 13-year-old self. by Joyce Koor (Singapore)

12 Questions for 2012 by Meiyi Chan (Singapore) 

An Old Fashioned Way to Keep in Touch with People by Ruth Ibarra (San Luis Potosí)

life and society | an old fashioned way to keep in touch with people

Ruth Ibarra is a twenty something year-old Mexican girl who absolutely loves to laugh and listen to music, to spend time with her friends and to chat with them over a nice cup of coffee. After working on her thesis for a couple of years, she’s finally graduated (this January 14th will be a month since the exciting day) and now holds a degree in History. She’s currently excited about possibly applying to a linguistics or history MA this 2012.

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An Old Fashioned Way to Keep in Touch with People.

Ruth Ibarra

A while ago, I was walking downtown with one of my best friends and as we passed by the postal office he expressed his surprise when realizing people still mail each other, I giggled a little but a part of me thought of how many people might have forgotten about this service. I mailed my first letter when I was 20 years old and it was quite the experience. First, I had to find the postal office which I hadn’t even noticed when walking by it. I felt a little silly not knowing exactly what to do, I mean I was 20 and had not much of an idea. Once I bought the stamps and placed them on the envelope I hoped the letter wouldn’t get lost. It reached its destination.

There’s something about mailing the old fashioned way that I can’t help but to like. Yes, nowadays is fairly easy and fast to reach someone even if that person lives in a different city, country or continent, it’s pretty much just a click away, whether you email, tweet or FB. But there’s something about the excitement of sending a letter, and waiting for one to arrive. Honestly, both things make my day.

When I was a child, I liked to look over my mom’s letters, letters she had received when she was younger from people who lived in and out of our country. I loved looking at the envelopes, the handwriting, the stamps, and I wondered when people had written them, where, had they gotten a reply? My mom used to keep them in a pale pink bag and every now and then she would bring it out when cleaning (now that I think about it, I haven’t seen those letters in a long while), and she’d tell me stories regarding the people who had sent them and how she had gotten to meet them. She stop mailing them and lost contact with some of those persons over the years.

Ever since I came back to Mexico from Arizona, where I met Daphne in 2009, I’ve been mailing to the friends I made there (Daph included) every now and then. I hope we continue to mail cards and letters to each other, because it’s a great way to keep in touch. As I said, arriving home and finding out the postman left me a little something that travelled miles and miles, totally makes my day. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be showing someone the many letters and cards my lovely friends have sent me over the years. I encourage you to try it if you haven’t, and hey if you have a significant other, it’d be really sweet.

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This inaugural series "life and society" comes to end with Ruth's post. A big thank you for all who read it and supported this series. My guests and I definitely hope that you found what you read encouraging, sobering, inspiring, or all three (and more? haha). If you would like to see all the articles written by my 12 guests for this series, you can do so here or click on the "life and society" tag.

life and society | 12 questions for 2012

Message from the writer: 

Hi Daphne's dear readers, many many apologies for the delay in submitting this post, I was waylaid by a bout of feeling unwell and couldn't get to completing the final edit on time. Thanks for your understanding and I hope you enjoy this piece. Cheers! -Meiyi

12 Questions for 2012

Meiyi Chan

There's always a flood of interweb articles on retrospectives and resolutions around the new year, so to jump on that bandwagon and give myself an early start on living thoughtfully, here's my list of 12 questions for 2012:

1. Do we remember God in our midst, or are spiritual matters only for religious men?
2. Do we remember to study history, or are her lessons only for historians?
3. Do we remember the joy of working with our hands, or is art only for those who do it for a living?
4. Do we remember how to savour a meal, or is gratitude only for those with time to spare?
5. Do we remember to let our children learn about the world with all five senses, or is education limited to the mind?
6. Do we remember the poor, the infirm, the elderly and the destitute, or are they only the responsibility of institutions and governments?
7. Do we remember the sojourners and aliens among us, or have we, as a community, forgotten about hospitality to strangers?
8. Do we remember the lonely, or are we too caught up in our own loneliness to touch another person's life?
9. Do we remember to speak kindly, or is that only for the weak?
10. Do we remember to be generous, or is that only for those with money?
11. Do we remember beauty, justice, righteousness, compassion, prudence, respect and love for our fellow man, or are they too "traditional" for us anymore?
12. And if indeed they are not for us, then who are these values for?

What questions are you asking yourself today?

About the writer

By the grace of God, Meiyi is a gospel-saved sinner, recent graduate and currently, public servant. These days she spends most of her time in an office, but can't shake her love for wide open grasslands and lots of sky. Her hope for 2012? That we will all connect our individual work to larger questions of life more often than we do now :)

(Daphne speaking - you can check out Meiyi's blog at http://february29.tumblr.com/. Her disclaimer: "it's mostly reblogs and lost of Disney" hahaha. But if you're looking for her own writings, there are some like "work" and on loneliness.) 

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"life and society" will feature various people from different walks of life and various parts of the world. New posts are up every Monday and Thursday at 6pm (GMT +8 / Singapore time) through the first week of 2012. On Monday (Jan 9), I'll be featuring the endearing Ruth Ibarra from San Luis Potosí, Mexico, a History major from Universidad Autónoma de San Luis Potosí who recently graduated.

life and society | dear me: a letter to my 13-year-old self.

A recent political science & corporate communication graduate from Singapore Management University, Joyce is looking forward to begin her career in the exciting world of advertising, PR and branding with Ogilvy & Mather, come Feb 2012. She hopes to collect as many traveling adventures during her lifetime and her next destination she's eyeing would be in Europe! She also enjoys meddling around in the kitchen trying out new recipes, reading and doing yoga. 

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Dear Me: A letter to my 13 year-old self.

Joyce Koor

Dear Joyce,

I am writing this letter to you in year 2011. Depending on how you want to look at it, ten years is a long time. But somehow reminiscing the ‘good, old days’  always makes you think it’s has all gone by in a blink of an eye. Where is the pause button when you need one to catch your breath?

Looking very sweet and demure in a dress when you were 5 years-old. Playing on

my grandma’s staircase with your brother and cousins. 1993.

Ten years on, I want to tell you that life is still good, despite a roller-coaster of change you would have to go through. 

But first, you must stop being so self-obsessed. With your weight and how you look. I am telling you, there is no use hating your thighs because you are made by our Creator to be beautiful. Your self-esteem (and your thighs) will thank you after you started swimming and running regularly. Throw in some Yoga classes for the mind-body balance. Only you can take care of your own health. The immense pain you will face while lying on a hospital bed 10 years on will let you know that without good health, you can just forget about doing other things you want to do in life.

Forget about counting the number of blemishes on your skin but learn to be disciplined with a skin-care regime. And always wear sunscreen. You might laugh and think that your 23 year-old self is sounding like a mother who nags incessantly because you and your peers used to spend hours lying under the scorching sun to get a tan. Just ‘coz a tan is cool. But you will learn to eventually think for yourself instead of following the herd.

There are some days when you’re 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 where you will try to figure out what growing up means. Perhaps hanging out with some pals during Mambo night for the first time at Zouk when you finally turn 18. Or sending out your résumé to companies in search of a summer internship over the three out of the four summers during university. Or living alone overseas and traveling around in USA during your exchange semester. Whatever it is, enjoy the moment. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

Sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon in USA, soaking in the beautiful surroundings. 2010.  

Would you believe me if I told you that you lived and worked in Hyderabad, India for three months when you were 20? Incredible India indeed, where the experience there made you count your blessings back in Singapore. Things like not taking your electricity and water supply for granted, and the safety on the roads. On a macro-level, the education that you receive opens up a world of possibilities that many of the rural children are not privileged to enjoy, just because they were born where they were born. 

Little girl carrying empty canisters where she will top them up at the village’s water station in Hyderabad. 2009.

That summer, you discovered what poverty meant when you visited 4 villages to work on your research project. You will learn the importance of giving back, in helping society in whatever capacity you have. Don’t stop being dedicated to others, give more than you plan to give, expand your horizons by reading wisely and traveling widely. 

Please, try to also stop fretting about your grades during your O & A’levels and your university years. Just never stop giving your best. Expose yourself to new experiences and know that it’s your open mind and willingness to learn that builds a positive work ethic that will keep you moving forward to enjoy life to its fullest.

Graduation. 2011.

Along the way, you will also be told that some of your dreams are far-fetched fantasies. Don’t believe them, however much they mean well. Trust your heart, that heart which is just the size of your fist that has kept you alive for 13 years. That’s 156 months or 4748 days… and yes, 410 240 038 seconds of simply living life on this planet. 

Slow down, Joyce, slow down. Life is not all touch and go. Take silence and respect it. Society is afraid of alonedom, but lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it. Because if you’re happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

You and your siblings, 10 years down the road. No more petty quarrels and arguments anymore!

With Daph, at ACJC’s 5-year reunion for the class of 2006. 2011.

You met Daph in ACJ in 2005. Here’s the both of you fooling around in 2006, after ACJC’s Fun-O-Rama Carnival.

Cherish your family, they are treasures and pillars of support when uncertainty clouds you. Value the people around you, respect them by listening (no interrupting, no daydreaming…), be generous with the gift of affection, laughter, a written note or compliment. Let small actions demonstrate the love for your family and friends. You are never alone.

More importantly, give your heart a chance to Love. There will be a time in the near future when you will wrap your heart up in a curtain of fear. It’s natural to want to close off when you’re hurt. It doesn’t matter what the hurt is or where it is from but just because you can’t see the horizon right now, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a magical moment that is there for you, beginning with right now.

Together again, after 5 years of waiting & pain. 2011.

Do not give up on Love, but give in to Love. Sometimes pain and Love come together. But remember that pain helps us grow and it teaches us to let go and to even see the present moment as perfect.

Life, Joyce, is for the living- you are placed on Earth to shine, to give your gifts and to be the presence of Love on this planet.

One last thing, don’t ever let your sense of humour and adventure slip. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Life’s too short to be so serious.

Yes, that’s you about to eat a fried scorpion and carrying a snake in Vietnam. 2011.

You’ve also tried one of the world’s most disgusting foods, the balut (a soft-boiled fetal duck) in the Philippines. 2011.

Love,

23 year-old Joyce

P.S. Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlJ3vOp6nI

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"life and society" will feature various people from different walks of life and various parts of the world. New posts are up every Monday and Thursday at 6pm (GMT +8 / Singapore time) through the first week of 2012. On Monday (Jan 5), I'll be featuring Meiyi Chan, who looks cute and small on the outside, but has a mind and listening ear far bigger than that. (Talk about surprises.) She is an intellectual who treats people graciously, respecting them for their academic and non-academic beliefs, while vigorously working out the truth.

life and society | bah, psychology

Our guest for Boxing Day is Marcus. Today, he writes about the paper chase. We like to think that we have already gone past that stage of internal struggle, but Marcus puts things back in perspective in our neoliberal society where we and others expect our education to contribute in some way to our work.

Working with the Republic of Singapore Navy, Marcus spends much time offshore on patrol ships to protect Singapore. Whether he says things that we find inconvenient or undesirable to hear, he is a thinker who is brutally honest with himself and what he sees and knows about people and society around.

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BAh, Psychology.
Marcus Seng


I always used to wonder what will my fellow psychology mates work as when we graduate. We all knew that a Bachelors (BA) alone will not get us anywhere decent should we wish to pursue a career in psychology. I was less bothered for myself because I was already sponsored by the Navy, and certainly had a job with them once I graduated. Moreover, I always love to observe social behaviour and dynamics. Studying psychology was also something I had always wanted to do since I was 16. BA in psychology was certainly the way to go for me.

Throughout my 3 years of university, I frequently asked around my peers on what they plan to do in future. Most of them weren't quite very sure, though. Added on to the constant reminders that our BA degree is a 'toilet paper' degree. Many seemed too content with just being a student and not knowing what to do after they graduate (and possibly not knowing why are they even studying). I was concerned as a friend, angry at times. There were just too many people embarking on this mindless paper chase. Having worked in the Navy for a cumulative of 12 months before and throughout my studies during the semester breaks, I have had the privilege of working closely with many polytechnic and ITE graduates, who were definitely a lot more purposeful, motivated, and streetsmart compared to this bunch of 'top 20% of Singapore's cohort'.

3 years came and passed, too quickly. (I HAD SO MUCH FUN!=DD) I wasn't too surprised that 4 weeks before our final examinations, more than half my peers hadn't figured out what they wanted to work as (or to even deliberate further studies, or take a gap year to travel). They were simply clueless, and in denial. They often gave they most politically correct answer, 'Yea I'm looking around for jobs already.', or 'I'll think about it after the exams.' At some point, I decided that they simply entered university for its own sake - because it's a 'conventional flow', a rights of passage, 'study first then see how' mentality. I'm not wholly discrediting their own various reasons for wanting a university degree. There is however already an unfortunate case for a lot of Singaporeans who do not manage to enter university, but still continue to desire to study for the most irrational of reasons - for some ill-understanding/ misperception of 'attaining' a BA.

20 months after graduation, based on my own biased sample of population, majority of my peers who had graduated with me have somewhat figured out what to do with their lives (not so much with their degree). Giving my own rather loose estimate; 20% pursued a career related to psychology, 50% pursued a career which is somewhat related/ useful, 20% pursued a career totally unrelated to psychology, 50% joined the public sector, 30% joined private sector, 10% furthered their studies, 5% went traveling (and subsequently found a job), 5% remained clueless and continued to waste their lives/ degree, and 80% of them complained about their jobs/ public transport every other day.

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I'm both happy and sad for them. Admittedly, the transition from a student to working life is not easy. Naturally some will take a longer time to adjust to this change. I myself do struggle with my own day to day activities. Striking a good balance with work and life is a challenge that I deal with every single day. It takes a tremendous amount of energy, but I must say that it is really really worth the effort.

To my fellow psychology mates. Thank you for many times we shared in tutorials, lectures, computer labs, libraries, buses, and canteens. Thank you for tolerating for flashy and weird behaviours (it was really all part of my big social experiment and love for life). Especially to those whom I had spent much wonderful time in my 3 years of undergraduate studies - thank you for your friendships. I will always cherish them. I wish and hope for the best in your future endeavors. Pray that whatever we be in future, psychology or not, we will always remember to be happy. BAh!(=

Happy Christmas lovelies,
marcusseng.

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"life and society" will feature various people from different walks of life and various parts of the world. New posts are up every Monday and Thursday at 6pm (GMT +8 / Singapore time) through the first week of 2012. On Thursday (Dec 29), I'll be featuring Joyce Koor, my spunky, adventurous friend of 7 years who is an amazing multi-tasker and who also has a big heart and speaks out for what is right.

life and society | on perfection

Suanne is a dogged doodler, inveterate word-player, and experimental baker. An accidental Business student (bizwords.tumblr.com) with origins in English Literature, she has had the dubious privilege of toting Shakespeare into Finance class. She blogs occasionally and abstractedly at thickrett.tumblr.com.

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On Perfection
Suanne Chan


Coming home one Saturday afternoon, Mynah saw the old man with the white beard. He was standing next to the vegetable plot. His cotton-white beard jutted awkwardly forward out of a round face, and his balding head glowed in the sun. He was rooting awkwardly among the potatoes. What was he looking for?

Mynah tiptoed over and peered over his shoulder. Sun-spotted, his hands were covered with gray dust from the potatoes as he examined each one. Out of the corner of one eye he spotted Mynah and nodded.

“This one has an eye sprouting,” he said, by way of conversation, tossing a potato into a pail. “And this one… this one looks green.”

“They all look the same to me,” said Mynah. “Maybe some are just older or rounder or lumpier than others.”

“Oh but they are different, they all are,” he replied. “I’ve been searching all my life for the perfect potato. It should be regularly shaped. Clear skin, no blemishes or scars. Unbruised and new and earthy.”

“And what will happen when you find one?” A pause.

“I guess I’ll die happy.”

*****

I’ve been thinking about perfection a lot lately. I read somewhere once that there are two kinds of people in this world: the satisficers, and the maximisers. Satisficers work towards satisfying the needs of the job at hand, while Maximisers tend to work towards perfection. Our attitudes towards the ideal standard have implications for everything in life, from design, to ethics, to relationships.

So what is ideal? For the purposes of this post, I’m going to place the to-be-or-not-to-be-perfect dilemma within two contexts: nature, and Christmas. Let’s start with nature: in my pseudo-fable I was thinking about picking fruit or vegetables at the market. There is always that tension between finding something perfect, and something acceptable. In these days of agricultural sophistication, anything too perfect can also be suspect. (The picture-perfect peach you’re holding was probably sprayed with pesticides.) If we really think about ideals of beauty, most of us would probably cite nature as the golden standard. There is liberty inscribed into each toss of branches, each sliver of sea, even that droop of mangroves. There’s always an inspired quality to nature that makes me pick up a shell or flower or leaf and want to take it home. A wild abandon that is not lost because this petal is more ruffled or that leaf more tilted than its companion. Sometimes, looking at nature I am reminded that God never meant for us to compare ourselves with our own kind. Just before Jesus died the disciples were arguing among themselves about who was greater. “The greatest among you,” he said, “must be the servant of all.” For the quality of a thing is not in what it is, but in what it was made to do. And in the act of dying a fruit brings forth—well, fruit.

And then there is the incarnation. What does it mean that a thing could take on a new quality, become something else? I’m sure that plastic surgeons and makeup artists have their take on this. But Christmas tells us that what is ideal is not just the perfection of something put on, but also the rawness and vulnerability of something taken off. A God putting on flesh, but a God stripped of the power to save himself from torture, and mockery, and death.

And something more: like the old man in my story, Simon in the gospel of Luke saw in Jesus the perfection he’d been waiting for all his life—“Now I can die happy” he said (Luke 2). Was Jesus perfect the way you and I tend to think? By no means. But well, the Bible talks about him as a branch, a plant. Not even a particularly attractive plant.

For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him (Isaiah 53).

He wasn’t well-connected. His friends were fishermen, tax collectors (think traffic police/carpark attendants), ex-prostitutes. Along his ancestry there were adulterers (David and Bathsheba) and immigrants (Rahab from Canaan, Ruth from Moab). He was a carpenter. There is no clear thread of perfection in this, I think at first (and so did those who disbelieved his claims. Not perfection on their terms. Not the perfect one they were waiting for.). But maybe this is the point? What was pure and consistent and perfect when I really think about Jesus’ life was this: he only did what his Father told him to do. He was obedient even to the point of death (and who can live up to that!)

So what is ideal? Or maybe, a better question: what is purity, and when is the substance or person held most true to itself? As much as we are tempted to pull things to ourselves—acquisitions, sophisticated friends, lofty qualifications—we are ourselves none of these things. “Excellence is from God, perfectionism is from the devil,” I once read and now I think I’m starting to understand. Composition is a process of elimination, says my friend’s music professor.

This year end, as we work towards taking stock and clearing stock and resolutions, let’s look at the things we need to put off of ourselves—the things that smear and mar and obscure the who-we-are. Maybe true excellence is not just about strife to sharpen and hone and slap on the bells and whistles—It’s also about the being still and clear to listen for what is right and true, so that I can recognise my own hurts and scars, and the angry, jealous discord of my own life (my attitudes to my career, to my family, to my appearance), and then come to the One who has made all the amends. To be set right. Redeemed. Salvaged. Recycled. And made new.  It’s not enough for me to be enhanced; I also need to be edited.

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"life and society" will feature various people from different walks of life and various parts of the world. New posts are up every Monday and Thursday at 6pm (GMT +8 / Singapore time) through the first week of 2012. On Monday (Dec 26), I'll be featuring Marcus Seng, an acquaintance from university who used to steal the limelight with his striking mohawk in Geography lectures in freshmen year. He is now with the Singapore Navy and works to protect the coasts of our country.