Monday, May 31, 2010

an overwhelmed heart

I just got back from a three-week escapade to Los Baños, the Philippines to learn more about God, and how I can serve him through helping people. What I got in return was a super-fascination and excitement about the people, their creativity, and the culture.

They are so beautiful - the women so feminine, the men so charming, the youths and kids so lovely.

I have felt so much in my heart, and I still continue to feel much of it. And it is very overwhelming yet again, for me to come back to Singapore (is it because of her grotesque capitalism and her cruelly distorted fast pace of life?). Overall, I still feel very overwhelmed (in a good way) it is hard for me to put everything in words.

So within this week or two, I will put in here just a few of my journal entries for the last week so you can ease your curiosity.

May 28, 2010

I hate saying goodbye, but I still survived it again yesterday night. Dear God, why do we always have to say goodbye? Even in the perfect world you created, you intended for people to fill the earth. And that means people had to part from each other.

I thank you for helping me live in a way that leaves a good impression on younger girls, and hopefully they recognize that the beauty they see is the beauty of Jesus Christ.

I'm sitting on the floor of the jeepney now, crammed with my team. I see a beautiful view of the Makiling forest as the jeepney drives on. A view that few people see...the 'back' of the forest in reverse time. Even if we drove back along the same route, they would never catch the same view I have.

But this beautiful view is obscured by the silhouettes of my friends all crammed in the vehicle. What little I know of the Phils has been just as beautiful, though I don't know much about it, or even the life stories of each individual I meet. Mysterious and fascinating.

Mahal kita, Phils.

courageous faith

Not long ago, Mehdi Dibaj had to appear before the judge in Iran. In the courtroom, a defense written by Dibaj himself was read. It sounded like the testimony of a modern Paul. In the next few days we will copy this testimony in abridged form, without trying to rewrite it in devotional form. The testimony speaks for itself.

With all humility I express my gratitude to the Judge of all heaven and earth for this precious opportunity and with brokenness I wait upon the Lord to deliver me from this court trial according to His promise. I also beg the honored members of the court present to listen with patience to my defense and with respect for the name of the Lord.

I am a Christian, a sinner who believes that Jesus has died for my sins on the cross. Jesus paid the penalty for our sins by His own blood and gave us new life so that we can live for the glory of God. He has asked me to deny myself and to be His fully surrendered follower and not fear people even if they kill my body.

I have been charged with “apostasy”. In Islamic law an apostate is one who does not believe in God, the prophets or the resurrection of the dead. We Christians believe in all three.

They say, "You are a Muslim and you have become a Christian." (In many Islamic countries a Muslim who becomes a Christian may receive the death penalty.)

No, for many years I had no religion. After searching and studying, I accepted God’s call and I believed in the Lord Jesus Christ. People choose their religion, but a Christian is chosen by Christ. He says, "You have not chosen me but I have chosen you."

People say, "You were a Muslim from your birth." God says, "You were a Christian from the beginning." A Christian means one who belongs to Jesus Christ.

I would rather have the whole world against me, but know that the Almighty God is with me, or be called an apostate but know that I have the approval of the God of glory. Who can destroy the relationship between the creator and the creature, or defeat a heart that is faithful to God? He will be safe and secure under the shadow of the Almighty. Our refuge is the mercy seat of God. I know in whom I have believed, and He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him to the end, until I reach the Kingdom of God. That is the place where the righteous will shine like the sun, but the evildoers will receive their punishment in hell.

They tell me, "Return!" But who can I return to from the arms of my God? Is it right to accept what people are saying, instead of obeying the Word of God? I have now been walking with the God of miracles for 45 years. His kindness to me is like a shadow and I owe Him so much for His fatherly love and concern.

The love of Jesus has filled all my being and I feel the warmth of His love in every part of my body.

The test of faith is a clear example. The good and kind God tests us in preparation for heaven. The God of Daniel, who protected Daniel’s friends in the fiery furnace, has protected me for nine years in prison. All the bad things that have happened to me have turned out for my good and gain. So much so, that I am filled with joy and thankfulness.

The God of Job has tested my faith and commitment in order to strengthen my patience and faithfulness. During these nine years He has freed me from all my responsibilities so that I could spend my time in prayer and study of His Word, with heart searching and brokenness, and grow in the knowledge of my Lord. I praise the Lord for His unique opportunity. He gave me space in my confinement, my difficult hardships brought healing and His kindness revived me. Oh what great blessings God has in store for those who fear Him.

People object to my evangelizing, but "If you find a blind person near a well and keep silent then you have sinned." (A Persian poem.)

It is our Christian duty, as long as the door of God’s mercy is open, to convince evil doers to turn from their sinful ways and find refuge in Him, in order to be saved from the wrath of a righteous God and from the coming dreadful punishment.

Jesus Christ says, "I am the door. Whosoever enters through me, will be saved." "I am the way, the truth and the life. No-one comes to the Father except through me."

Among the prophets of God, only Jesus Christ rose from the dead, and He is our living intercessor forever. He is our Savior and He is the Son of God. To know Him means to know eternal life.

I, a useless sinner, have believed in Him, and I have committed my life into His hands. Life for me is an opportunity to serve Him, and death is a better opportunity to be with Christ. Therefore, I am not only satisfied to be in prison for the honor of His holy name, but am ready to give my life for the sake of Jesus my Lord and enter His Kingdom sooner. May the shadow of God’s kindness and His hand of blessing and healing be upon you and remain for ever. Amen.

With respect
your Christian prisoner
Mehdi Dibaj

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Dibaj was set free two months after he wrote this "defense" – but was killed soon afterwards. Yet, even though he is dead, he still speaks.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Goodbye

Airports.

Sometimes when friends leave, separation is bittersweet. The tears were playing hide-and-seek, I felt a hole that gaped and breathed in my chest.

Suddenly, excitement and many kinds of awesome melts away to uncover the things that have always been there. The sounds of the highway, the mynahs in love, dipping a fry in chili sauce, the tourist's lethargy in the departure hall...the stillness of my footsteps. Since there's no hangout to rush to.

A bittersweet loneliness.

Life is never the same again. It changes, bringing new people in while some old ones leave.

I guess the best part of it all is that many of these friendships last literally for ever.

Bittersweet is beautiful. There's beauty in friendship and beauty in my loneliness for now.

I miss you and I love you. Can't wait to see you again in eternity, if not this life.

Dedicated to Richard Latimer, 景扬, 魏昕, and Andrew Poon,
beautiful people walking on paths that
God decided to cross with mine.


Saturday, May 1, 2010

always embracing

I got off the bus and stepped into an all-familiar warmth that embraced me. The tropical sun that is warm and always gentle, it never bites.

The warmth wrapped around me, first between each of my legs and then my arms. Yes, this is the sun I know since I could remember it. I never realized this, and realizing it made me enjoy my walk home. Suddenly, everyone was walking so fast again, even though it was a lazy Saturday late morning.

Then the short breezes that come and go. They teased my hair and pecked me on the cheek before saying goodbye.

Passing my old apartment, I saw pieces of a red eight of hearts strewn across the floor, its sides neatly cut. But that was too much too bear. It was too cold under shelter, cold and drabby like a damp cell - I needed to feel the lovely embrace again.

And I saw the blue against which the trees were imprinted...

So the skies here are beautiful, it's just that the damp prison cells we live in cover them up away from us.

I smiled, keeping that small piece of hindered blue sky into the locket of skies in my heart. I bring the locket wherever I want to go.

I was home.

That ten-minute walk was simply magical.