Without you, there wouldn't be us - and we don't mean it just biologically. You are strong even in the face of adversity, you are brave and full of courage, and you tirelessly work to put food on our table and build stability into our lives. How did you do that for so many years!
We love you and we knew so closely in our heart who you were even before we could speak...you are the man with the loving eyes whose voice we heard all the time in Mom's belly. You are the man whose eyes lit up when we peeped at the world after a good night's slumber. You were always staring at us with eyes that beamed of love.
And as the years went by, we started an imaginary war on freedom against Mom and you. We started seeing Mom and you as people who wanted to control us and turn us into your slaves. The house that Mom and you made into a home...we saw it as hell. We despised improvements you both made, because hell is hell. There's no way you could have made it better.
Mom, being more aware of the things that went on in our everyday lives, often let her emotions show. Sometimes in her frustration and heartbreak, she yelled at us. And us (being the stiff-necked pricks that we were) used our budding creativity to try and bring her to breaking point. You were out at work, mostly, and if you were at home, you would stay away from the conflict to avoid making things worse.
Years passed. You went to our first concert, our first competition, and every graduation party we had. You saw how we changed over the years, and you remember when we really started changing - we apologise, we listen, we talk, we laugh...This is so wonderful! Till the end of our lives, we are going to get closer and closer, just like how we were back then.
As for those of us who haven't really changed though we're now in our 20s or 40s...do you know how much Mom suffers? Her bones dry up from the grief within her. Her heart does not work in regular beat because she has lost so much sleep over the years. The joints in her hands ache from tidying a home that we now despise. Sad things make up most of what she says and she tries very hard to keep things in control.
We know you get undercover updates from Mom though you pretend to appear like you don't know anything. Because we inherited your bionic ears and Mom's. We don't want just Mom to be in the frontline of caring...especially if we have developed ways of thinking that are actually harmful. Don't tell her what you can do too as a parent. Don't leave the difficult conversations with us to just her. Talk to us...show us what it means to grow up into someone with courage, wisdom, and love, because we want to do the same for our children too when things get tricky. Then, change will begin.
There'll be people who come into your life to support you with this, and you'll be alright. But if you really can't do it right now or not at all, it is okay. It really is. We don't fully understand what you have been going through. Plus, you never stopped loving us even when we were so nasty to you. What more now when you are genuinely facing challenges (and not being nasty to us at all)!
Please don't start criticizing yourself. You are already such a wonderful Dad. We love you, and we know you love us too.
Love,
Your precious children
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In response to the subculture of distant dads in parts of Asia and the world, where there is clear division of labour between...
the homemaker (often the Mom), who provides emotional care at home and is responsible for the household's everyday needs, and
the breadwinner (often the Dad), who is mainly responsible for meeting the financial needs of the family now and in the long term.
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