boys over girls

Went for my sister's prize giving ceremony in school today and remembered I went up the same stage when I was in Primary Two for getting 2nd in English for my level that year.

I was in 2nd place together with another classmate. But there was only one prize for 2nd place! There's still one more prize for a 3rd place though. Strangely, the teachers didn't invite the student who scored 3rd position for English. Instead, they told me while we were lined up for the stage that my classmate would be in 2nd place and I'll get 3rd.

Why? Because he's a guy and I'm a girl.

This would have not cut it today. But my mom and I were surprised but didn't say anything. 90s in Singapore was an ambivalent but gradual shift away from the Asian practice of valuing boys over girls. When I was little, I never got to eat a drumstick as my parents would give them to my two brothers. One day, I got upset and said that they were biased. They took my youngest brother's drumstick (poor him) and passed it to me but I refused and sulked in a corner. From then on, I got to eat drumsticks!

Just a little funny story. I don't care now that I had believed the teachers in all my bright-eyed innocence that it was right for me to be 'demoted', since I was doing well and I was recognized for it. I wonder how the person who should have got 3rd place felt...he/she wasn't acknowledged at all!

Oh, how times have changed!

artistic revolution

To quote Viknesh, an amazing singer friend:

all this talent. the films, the music, the ideas and thoughts! i feel an artistic revolution brewing in our island! and i'm excited to be part of it!

"Broken Butterfly", by Run Neon Tiger

"The Last Queen", by Cheating Sons

Check out Viknesh and his friend who's an innovative fingerpicking guitarist, Shun. They form a duo called Vik & Shun.

Excited!!

"we are far too easily pleased"

If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

Up to the age of 30 or beyond it, poetry of many kinds...gave me great pleasure, and even as a schoolboy I took intense delight in Shakespeare.... Formerly pictures gave me considerable, and music very great, delight. But now for years I cannot endure to read a line of poetry: I have tried to read Shakespeare, and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me. I have also almost lost any taste for pictures or music.... I retain some taste for fine scenery, but it does not cause the exquisite delight which it formerly did.... My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for grinding general laws out of large collections of facts, but why this should have caused the atrophy of that part of the brain alone, on which the higher tastes depend, I cannot conceive.... The loss of these tastes is a loss of happiness, and may possibly be injurious to the intellect, and more probably to the moral character, by enfeebling the emotional part of our nature.

Charles Darwin (in his autobiography)

(As cited in John Piper's Desiring God)

Could it be that my refusal to obey God in areas of my life which matter the most is due to me preferring mediocre pleasures - fluctuating, temporary, uncertain, and ultimately leaves me when I die?

blossoms red

1. 
   
2. "I lay in dust life’s glory dead, and from the ground there blossoms red life that shall endless be." That's blood! George Matheson has such an intriguing and fascinating way to describe death and the eternal life that comes after. 

O Love, that will not let me go.

So true even though it was written in 1882.

Hope in a mad world

The troubles of life and evil of the human heart can weigh on you so much they threaten to crush you...and hence this set of counter songs.

 Mad World by Gary Jules

Hope by Alli Rogers

Hope

is strength to walk along
With music to my song
I'll be redeemed
Light a fire in the cold
Buy me back where I am sold
I'll be redeemed

All the waves of time are crashing
And our innocence is gone

Hope - I'll be waiting
And I'll be holding onto
I am never knowing
So I'll be holding onto
Hope

Stay when dirt on my face
From my ravaging and waste
I'll be redeemed
Stay close where sand is at my feet
Let me hear the parting sea
I'll be redeemed

If I wait till light is shining
I may never find the day

Hope - I'll be waiting
And I'll be holding onto
I am never knowing
So I'll be holding onto
Hope

So quick to turn from promise
So quick to ask the questions
So softly the moon shines down tonight
And all my soul is silent

Hope - I'll be waiting
And I'll be holding onto
I am never knowing
So I'll be holding onto
Hope

Jesus says, "Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." 

Matthew 11:29-30



"Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

 
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God."

Romans 5:1-11

My life would have crushed and shredded itself from inside out if I didn't know Jesus, this real Hope that has been healing and redeeming lives for 2000 years and is waiting to be fully realized at the right time to bring the entire universe back into cosmic and spiritual perfection...so that "what is mortal may be swallowed up by life". I can't be more thankful for such a privilege and salvation.

20 songs you can't sing at a wedding

Thinking of songs suitable for a wedding can be some pain in the donkey if you are me. I ran through in my head some of the songs I like and sadly, most of them won't make the cut. Here's ten of them:

1. Bible Belt | Dry the River
"Lo and behold, your mother is drinking again"

2. If You Think You Need Some Lovin' | Pomplamoose
"If you think you need some money, then honey that's just funny cos I got none"

3. Lights Out Words Gone | Bombay Bicycle Club
"Can you feel the leeches bite that boy that she took out tonight?"

4. The Things We Can and Cannot Keep | Alli Rogers
"Some things will tarry, some will return to dust"

5. Middle of the Bed | Lucy Rose
"Do you really want me back?"

6. Scarborough Fair | various, like Simon & Garfunkel's version
"She once was a true love of mine"

7. The Ladder | Andrew Belle
"I will be the one to prey upon you sweetly"

8. To Darkness | Mumford & Sons and The Dharohar Project
"Hold my sin above my head, and take me home instead"

9. King of Anything | Sara Bareilles
"Who cares if you disagree?"

10. Dog Days Are Over | Florence + The Machine
"Leave all your loving and longing behind"


What about songs in general? Some don't seem any more suitable for a wedding. Here's another ten:

11. Love the Way You Lie | Rihanna ft. Eminem
"Imma tie you the bedpost and set you on fire"

12. Girly Man
"Welcome the dude who ain't the buyer of mugs", and
"KILL HER!!!!!!"

13. It's My Party | Lesley Gore
"It's my party and I cry if I want to"

14. Barbie Girl | Aqua
"I'm a blonde bimbo girl in a fantasy world"

15. Shock | B2ST
"Everytime I shock"

16. Forget You | Cee Lo Green
"I pity the fools who fall in love with you"

17. Video Games | Lana Del Rey
"I heard that you like the bad girls. Honey, is that true?"

18. Maneater | Nelly Furtado
"She's a maneater, make you buy cars, make you cut cards, wish you never ever met her at all"

19. Beautiful Monster | Ne-Yo
"She's a monster but I don't mind"

Maybe this is good news or bad - presenting to you the final song...

20. In The End | Linkin Park
"In the end, it doesn't even matter"

happy birthday?

My past birthdays have been meaningful or happy. Last year I spent it in school and at a wake. But this year's seemed like neither. And it makes me ask: why do we wish people 'happy birthday'? Won't it create a false sense of privileged entitlement that people try to seek or fulfill? How does a person congratulate himself for his years of existence? Is the day I was born really my day? I didn't create it, neither do I own it, nor should I expect that others should please or maybe even pander to me and my desires.

Which firstly, makes all the birthday wishes, handmade and bought presents, lovely notes, and a surprise birthday dinner all so unexpected.

Which secondly, helps me to deflate myself. I had expected my birthday to be nice and pleasant: no school, sleeping in for the morning, chilling at home, opening a mystery package, thanking people for their wishes, and go to bed. It didn't quite turn out this way. I got woken up by a quarrel, and when I finally woke up (there's a difference), I got some bad news. It wasn't bad news about me, but it involved people I love. I was reeling from shock and anger so much that my hands were shaking. I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me the entire day, especially since the bad news may take weeks or months to be reconciled.

My first reaction was 'Thanks for the great news on my birthday', the second was 'God, you are cruel to me, even on my birthday'.

But who said it was my day in the first place? What makes me think that all should go well and my birthday should be very comfortable - all in the name of self-preservation?

I know that the God I worship is not cruel, but it was a portrayal I created out of selfishness and arrogance. He is Sovereign and he is Love - mushy love, fatherly love, tough love, healing love, liberating love. He showed it to me by calming me down and counseling me constantly, teaching me to pray for the people I was angry towards. It's very incredible that my intense emotions simmered down in just ten minutes or so as I asked him for help on how to feel and think about the problem, and I know that it would not have been possible by human effort unless I choose apathy. Even though it hurts, I will choose to continue loving and thus sharing the hurting burdens that people I love carry, even if it's on my birthday.

So my point is, birthdays aren't always happy. Thankfully God keeps the peace of Christ in my heart. The peace of Christ, which does not fluctuate or cease to exist depending on conditions external to the person's soul, but stays the same even in the face of physical death. According to Matthew 14:27, Jesus said to his twelve selected followers (aka The Twelve Apostles) on the night he knew he was to be arrested and crucified,

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

He said that because he knew that if the good religious people clamped down on him the leader, surely they will exterminate those who were to take over his leadership (John 15: 18-21, 16: 2-4, Mark 14: 27, Matthew 26: 31). And it did happen in AD 64 when Nero framed those who follow Jesus as the culprits for the Great Fire of Rome, so they fled for the mountains and further up east into Europe.

For this sobering lesson of humility and love, I can only say - thank you for your love and mercy, Jesus.