I lost my MacBook in a taxi this morning. I didn't realize I lost it until a few hours later - I checked my seat when I left the taxi but I subconsciously checked the wrong seat! A lecturer talked to me about my coming to classes late frequently (it's probably my worst bad habit), and he/she probably stepped out of line when he/she moved on to comment on my character. It's not something that one would expect in sensitive talks amongst adults.
My MacBook is a gift from my dad. He paid for it four years ago even though it burned a bigger hole in his pocket on top of the usual expenses of supporting a family of six alone. I have connected very deeply with my MacBook and I take good care of it - very good care for someone who is often forgetful due to stress and lethargy like me. And lost it today I did. I was just so tired again that I forgot about it. Besides I am convinced that this is part of a series of attack from the evil one that's been happening for the past few days.
The old Daphne would have been so hot-tempered and frustrated. Losing my MacBook, having to face others' lamentations about it, and being told hurtful words by a lecturer is not all - it is part of a chain of negative events that's been happening for the past few days. But these poopy events make me marvel at Jesus' power and protection.
I was tired when I got in to the taxi this morning so I just slumped onto the backseat and didn't wear my seatbelt though I usually would. (In Singapore, passengers in the backseat are not expected to wear the seatbelt.) But somehow, I felt a constant nudge in my heart halfway through the ride to wear it. Later, the taxi I was in went so fast it almost hit the car in front of us! The taxi driver jammed the brakes but it was not forceful enough to stop our taxi immediately. Instead, our taxi flew off the ground and landed a little in front. Don't know what would have happened if I didn't wear my seatbelt but I know in my heart that it was part 324529807 of Satan's ploy and it was Jesus Christ who protected me.
While making phone calls to check if I really lost my laptop, my prejudice against a dear one that I'm learning to love surfaced again. I distrusted that person's ability to find my laptop, thinking that my laptop must be at home. It's must be that this dear one was just incapable of understanding what I said. God rebuked me for my prejudice. I wanted to believe that the person is incapable of understanding everyday communication...for a reason that I can't seem to find, except plain pride and judgmentalism.
Can you imagine? I'm in considerable distress and God rebukes me at this point to show me ugly parts of my old self that I am still keeping? He is either unkind or beyond human understanding to do this when I'm thinking about my laptop. As far as I am concerned, and as far as the Bible and followers of Jesus are concerned, God is showing his kindness. He cares so much about removing the sinful parts in us that he would show it to us convincingly through all kinds of situations, whether they are good or bad, so that we could repent and live a life of other-centered love. I sure was convinced today about my prejudice - there is no other way than repentance unless I want to separate myself away from the Holy and Good God.
Even when I lost a laptop, there are a couple others that I can borrow from my family. Right now I am using a computer God gave my mom free-of-charge at a random lucky draw. With my laptop is gone, this is the only one left at home that has Microsoft Office, which means that I don't have to stay till late on campus using school computers to do my work on Office. To think that there is so much abundance in an average-income family - it can only be God's grace.
Satan has taken away about $2100 worth of my possessions away this time round, but it is little compared to what Job suffered a few thousand years ago when in a single day, Satan killed all his ten children with what seemed like a tornado or sandstorm, and had his possessions raided or burned. That sure beats mine time-wise and intensity-wise. I don't even know how I would feel or what I would do if just one of my siblings died today. Yet he could praise God and worship him instead of pointing a finger at God for his tremendous loss. It must have not been easy, yet living in God's palm was the safest place to be in! And I know that this $2100 is almost nothing compared to the bodies that Satan has slain through the hands of hateful people. It is a spiritual battle and more things will be at stake - eventually maybe even my life, unless I stop learning to live like Jesus one day. Or at least weaken, tarry, or water down things and be stepped over in this spiritual war.
The best thing out of all this bad stuff happening is that there is great peace in my heart. Yes I am down, because Satan has taken away something I deem precious. But I know that God is bigger than this as he has protected me multiple times in this chain of poopy events, and has even used this ploy of the evil one to refine me and bring me closer to him. It is also a test of whether the laptop is of more importance than God in my life. Essentially it is a test of faith and true worship.
I say this many times when I pray and I will say it again. Satan is strong but he will not prevail. In fact, he has been shamed into defeat when my Lord Jesus broke his ultimate control of death by returning back to life. Though Satan is filled with fury because he knows his time is short, he cannot take away my life, because my life is hidden in Jesus.
Where, O death, is your victory?This next verse is scary to quote but it fascinates and moves me. It reminds me of the great hope I have, this great hope that cannot be found in anyone else or anywhere else besides Jesus.
Where, O death, is your sting?
They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
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