Anger

Sometimes I feel really angry.

I'm angry with myself, with my situation, with the kind of family members and relatives I have, with my incapability. And/Or I could be angry at repulsive, stupid, incompetent people that exist at home, in school or in church (I have to accept the fact the world is not perfect in the eyes of the church, so is the church itself). I feel angry because most of the time, my altruistic efforts have been very, very rudely brushed aside by others when they might not be in the position to actually negate my efforts. Or it could be after much trying, I can't seem to learn and improve.

And when I get angry, I either cry and/or pray a lot and a lot about it, or verbally attack the person with ill-meaning words. And sometimes, I want to give that preposterous person a huge shove, a tight slap in the face or a roundhouse so he drops on the floor. I've never done such physically threatening things since I was in primary school, but sometimes when I'm really angry, I just wish altogether that the person never existed.

I don't need to be weaned with spiritual milk. I am mature enough to partake in the Word itself. I know that God says my anger cannot fulfil His righteousness, and that I have sinned when I think of how to harm others, even when the conjured is not realised. Most of the time, I avoid being angry in the first place by taking different perspectives and thinking in the shoes of others. When I get angry, I deal with it properly and with God's Word, I learn to forgive and pray for God to help me and the other party in our weaknesses. But there are times when, at the heat of the moment, I purposely reject all these usual methods and go back to my old self. I think of the other person as being stupid, frustrating, beyond cure and too arrogant for his own good. Sometimes I become arrogant and pretend to be oblivious to the person's presence, other times I just tell him off straight in the face, demeaningly. People say I'm an encouraging sister-in-Christ, but I must admit I am but a weak lamb who is often stupid to choose to disobey the Shepherd's heeds.

But my Heavenly Father, He never rejects me. Time and again, I falter, but He tells me in that small voice, 'My child, I am here'. When I sin, I cover my ears so I could pretend not to hear His call. But when guilt floods my heart, I feel so, so ashamed that I still sin purposely. It is then I acknowledge that small voice. O Lord, please forgive me and help me not commit the mistake again! My Father created me, how would He not know my weaknesses and my passions? He could have just ruled me with His sovereignty, making me conform to all of His Will. Yet, He only made me to be slightly lower than the angels, that I may be rewarded the citizenship of the Heavenly Kingdom. He gives me the ability to choose - this individuality that I enjoy so much from. I am special because I am different, just as everyone is unique.

My Father is patient, kind and loving. He is always faithful and merciful. When I get angry and sin, I don't glorify Him, I know this well. But He is always so willing to receive me back in His arms when I come back like the lost child who cries when she finally finds her father. He never ceases to forgive, so that I can never cease too, to cry, 'Amazing grace that saved an utter wretch like me!'.

Boohoohoo

My throat.

My voice!

And now I can't sing at all! :(

Empty-Handed Go

Must I Go, and Empty-Handed?

Charles Carroll Luther was a journalist and lay evangelist before being ordained as a Baptist minister in 1886. Though not a prolific composer, he authored this hymn in 1877 when he heard Rev. A.G. Upham relate the story of a young man who was about to die. This young man had been a Christian for only one month. Though thankful to the Lord for granting him salvation during his final hour, he was nevertheless grieved that he'd had no opportunity to serve the Lord nor to share Him with others. He explained, “I am not afraid to die; Jesus saves me now. But must I go empty handed?” Upon hearing this account, Luther wrote the following hymn. (From Hymns and Spiritual Stories Online)

(Excerpt)

“Must I go, and empty handed,”
Thus my dear Redeemer meet?
Not one day of service give Him,
Lay no trophy at His feet?

“Must I go, and empty handed?”
Must I meet my Savior so?
Not one soul with which to greet Him,
Must I empty handed go?

How preposterous and shameful would it be,
that I return empty-handed to my Lord of grace and life abundant!

"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey.

The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.' His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.' His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'

His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest. Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' "

Matthew 25:14-30

A Letter From Hell

A churchmate recently introduced me a spoof of YouTube. It's called Godtube.com

He showed this video during church fellowship yesterday, and I thought it is an extremely unabashed expression of our inhibitions and excuses for not preaching the Gospel. I'm not for the sensationalistic approach to our faith (just as a personal disclaimer!) I pray we see the souls of our unsaved friends much more important than the excuses we make up to shun the Great Commission.

Disclaimer: "This is intended for believers as it DOES NOT COMPLETELY DEPICT THE GOSPEL. This is not meant as a scare tactic. Watch it for what is worth, but don't condemn it before you read this disclaimer." (quoted from the video details)



"Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from Me. When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood."
Ezekiel 3:17-18

Hiatus

"O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!"

My apologies for the hiatus. I've been caught up with slightly more demanding workload on top of increased commitments. It's easy to give way to the crumbling physical and emotional stress, but thank God for the Treasure He's placed in my fragile temple of clay (II Corinthians 4:7) - He gives strength to the weak, so much so that they can give to others. I'm reminded of Helen Lemmel's Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.

"Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conquerors we are!

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace."

Indeed, O Lord, the things of the world have grown strangely dim. Lord! You're faithful, merciful and loving. Give me the heart, I pray, to never turn my face away from You!

Never Again

"Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb at the centre of the throne will be their shepherd;
He will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Revelations 7:16-17

Scarborough Love

In the spirit of Valentine's Day and the celebration of romance, here's the story of the song, Scarborough Fair. It's one of those beautiful heartbreaking stories you want to believe is true.


The Scarborough Fair

During late medieval times the seaside resort of Scarborough was an important venue for tradesmen from all over England. It was host to a huge 45-day trading event, starting August 15, which was exceptionally long for a fair in those times. Merchants came to it from all areas of England, Europe, Norway, Denmark, the Baltic and the Byzantine Empire. Scarborough Fair originated from a charter granted by King Henry III of England on 22 January 1253. The charter, which gave Scarborough many privileges, stated "The Burgesses and their heirs forever may have a yearly fayre in the Borough, to continue from the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary until the Feast of St Michael next following". (On the modern Roman Catholic calendar, the equivalent dates are August 15 to September 29.) Naturally, such a large occasion attracted a lot more than just tradesmen; they needed to be entertained and fed, therefore large crowds of buyers, sellers and pleasure-seekers attended the fair. Prices were determined by ‘Supply and demand’, with goods often being exchanged through the barter system. Records show that from 1383 Scarborough’s prosperity slumped.

In the early 17th century competition from other towns' markets and fairs and increasing taxation saw further collapse of the Fair until it eventually became financially untenable. The market was revived again in the 18th century, but due to intense competition Scarborough Fair finally ended in 1788. Scarborough is a quiet, small town now.

The Ballad

In the middle ages, people didn't usually take credit for songs or other works of art they made, so the writer of Scarborough Fair is unknown. In fact, "Scarborough Fair" appears to derive from an older (and now obscure) Scottish ballad, The Elfin Knight (Child Ballad #2), which has been traced to 1670 and may well be earlier. The song was sung by bards (or shapers, as they were known in medieval England) who went from town to town, and as they heard the song and took it with them to another town, the lyrics and arrangements changed. As the song spread, it was adapted, modified, and rewritten to the point that dozens of versions existed by the end of the 18th century, although only a few are typically sung nowadays. The references to "Scarborough Fair" and the refrain "parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme" date to nineteenth century versions, and the refrain may have been borrowed from the ballad Riddles Wisely Expounded, (Child Ballad #1), which has a similar plot.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
For once she was a true love of mine

Have her make me a cambric shirt
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Without no seam nor fine needle work
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to weave it in a sycamore wood lane
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And gather it all with a basket of flowers
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Have her wash it in yonder dry well
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
where water ne'er sprung nor drop of rain fell
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Have her find me an acre of land
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Between the sea foam and over the sand
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Plow the land with the horn of a lamb
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Then sow some seeds from north of the dam
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
And then she'll be a true love of mine

If she tells me she can't, I'll reply
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Let me know that at least she will try
And then she'll be a true love of mine

Love imposes impossible tasks
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Though not more than any heart asks
And I must know she's a true love of mine

Dear, when thou has finished thy task
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Come to me, my hand for to ask
For thou then art a true love of mine.

The Lyrics

The narrator of the song is a man who was jilted by his lover. Although dealing with the paradoxes he sees himself posed to in a very subtle and poetic manner, this was a folk song and not written by nobles. The courtly ideal of romantic love in the middle ages, practised by knights and noblemen, was loving a lady and adoring her from a distance, in a very detached manner. There was hardly a dream and sometimes not even a wish that such love could ever be answered.

As a version of the song exists which is set in Whittington Fair and which is presumed to be equally old, it is puzzling why the lieu d'action of the song eventually became reverted to Scarborough. A possible explanation is that this is a hint from the singer to his lover, telling how she went away suddenly without warning or reason. Scarborough was known as a town where suspected thieves or other criminals were quickly dealt with and hung on a tree or à la lanterne after some form of street justice. This is why a 'Scarborough warning' still means 'without any warning' in today's English. This would also account for the absence of any suggestion of a reason for her departure, which could mean either that the singer doesn't have a clue why his lady left, or perhaps that these reasons are too difficult to explain and he gently leaves them out.

The writer goes on to assign his true love impossible tasks, to try and explain to her that love sometimes requires doing things which seem downright impossible on the face of it. The singer is asking his love to do the impossible, and then come back to him and ask for his hand. This is a highly unusual suggestion, because in those days it was a grave faux-pas to people from all walks of life for a lady to ask for a man's hand. Yet it fits in well with the rest of the lyrics, as nothing seems to be impossible in the song.

Elaborate theories have been proposed concerning the symbolism of these herbs. Parsley, used to this day as a digestive aid, was said to take away the bitterness, and medieval doctors took this in a spiritual sense as well. Sage has been known to symbolize strength for thousands of years. Rosemary represents faithfulness, love and remembrance, and the custom of a bride wearing twigs of rosemary in her hair is still practiced in England and several other European countries today. Thyme symbolizes courage, and during the medieval era, knights would often wear images of thyme on their shields when they went to combat. The speaker in the song, by mentioning these four herbs, wishes his true love mildness to soothe the bitterness which is between them, strength to stand firm in the time of their being apart from each other, faithfulness to stay with him during this period of loneliness and, paradoxically, courage to fulfill her impossible tasks and to come back to him by the time she can.

Adapted from Wikipedia and http://www.geocities.com/paris/villa/3895/
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How utterly, poignantly sad! I thank God for bringing His children together by saving them. Families, friends and couples in the Lord have hope that should anything, even death, happen, there will be reunion finally in heaven. Thank God.

Though not more than any heart asks
And I must know she's a true love of mine.