only confidence

Decades may pass, but God never gives up even on individuals, even if they are Manassehs, the 'cruelest' people to Him in history. When it comes to love, Bieber is right. God "never says never".

There is no hope to speak of here, only confidence.

Lord Almighty, God of our ancestors, God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and their righteous children, you made heaven and earth with all their beauty. You set limits for the sea by speaking your command. You closed the bottomless pit, and sealed it by your powerful and glorious name. All things fear you and tremble in your presence, because no one can endure the brightness of your glory. No one can resist the fury of your threat against sinners. 

But your promised mercies are beyond measure and imagination, because you are the highest, Lord, kind, patient, and merciful, and you feel sorry over human troubles. 

You, Lord, according to your gentle grace promised forgiveness to those who are sorry for their sins. In your great mercy, you allow sinners to turn from their sins and find salvation. Therefore, Lord, God of those who do what is right, you didn't offer Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, those who didn't sin against you, a chance to change their hearts and lives. But you offer me, the sinner, the chance to change my heart and life, because my sins outnumbered the grains of sand by the sea. My sins are many, Lord; they are many. I am not worthy to look up, to gaze into heaven because of my many sins. 

Now, Lord, I suffer justly. I deserve the troubles I encounter. Already I'm caught in a trap. I'm held down by iron chains so that I can't lift up my head because of my sins. There’s no relief for me, because I made you angry, doing wrong in front of your face, setting up false gods and committing offenses.

Now I bow down before you from deep within my heart, begging for your kindness. I have sinned, Lord, I have sinned, and I know the laws I've broken. I'm praying you, begging you: Forgive me, Lord, forgive me. 

Don't destroy me along with my sins. Don't keep my bad deeds in your memory forever. Don't sentence me to the earth's depths, for you, Lord, are the God of those who turn from their sins. In me you'll show how kind you are. 

Although I'm not worthy, you'll save me according to your great mercy. 

I will praise you continuously all the days of my life, because all of heaven's forces praise you, and the glory is yours, forever and always. Amen.

Prayer of Manasseh in prose 

12  I

A declaration of war

Oh callused heart,
rejects help
rotting
But love permeates
pulverizes all walls.
Not to heal
but to give a new heart - 
not of stone, but of flesh

Callused heart, 
Be prepared
for your death








You can't say no.

Nothing, really.

Today I lost my wallet and was ruffled. But hey, it's just pieces of paper that I can thankfully earn back in greater proportions every month. It's just pieces of plastic that I can prevent from misuse with just a phone call. And the purple wallet that Mom got me - I know she gave me that as a gift of love, and even though it's gone now, she loves me all the same.

So what do I have to lose? Nothing, really.

And when I got home, I was chided for losing my wallet. I seem to lose something almost every year, usually my phone or a contact lens, to a lesser extent, my wallet, and once, my laptop. I was chided for being careless, and I cried. It's the same conversation, the same tears, and my same retort: "You need to be more careful. You keep losing your things, how will you take care of yourself in the future?" "I didn't lose it on purpose. I usually am careful, but I don't know why I wasn't this time. Why do you say it as if I don't care or I meant to lose it? What makes you think that I am usually not careful? Why do you think that I don't try?"

And then I go to my room to cry. Except this time I go to my room to cry, and write this.

After all the angry crying, now I know. The chiding came from a heart that was upset. How dare people take my daughter's things when they're not supposed to! It came from a father who wants to protect her daughter as long as he lives but has to gradually let go because I have to learn to fend for myself. He needs to know I will grow up fine and will be okay when he can't protect me anymore one day, and so he lets go…more and more, so I can learn to be an adult.

Surely these patterns of losing stuff and retorting need to be broken. Surely I have much more control over my things than I think I do. 

And when Dad chides me, what is there to lose? Nothing, really.

Surely my parents love me more than I know and believe. And Dad doesn't think that I don't care or try.

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 

Jesus

gif u 2 hapiz

I made these (the memes, not the cats). Giving you two because you are my friend.

Random cat found online

Ginger and me

a theology of enough

People go to extremes with money and possessions. Some preach a gospel of prosperity, based on the idea that the good life is about using money and possessions for our own happiness, which God will provide when we do the right things (for example, give to a certain ministry or say a special prayer for thirty days). On the other hand, some preach a gospel of poverty, teaching that the way to be truly spiritual is to be poor. Both extremes are dangerous. The prosperity gospel is simply greed covered in the veneer of religion. The poverty gospel is also dangerous. There is nothing spiritual about poverty, and no one is actually better for having become poor. Dallas Willard notes:

The idealization of poverty is one of the most dangerous illusions of Christians in the contemporary world. Stewardship - which requires possessions and includes giving - is the true spiritual discipline in relation to wealth... 

[I]n general, being poor is one of the poorest ways to help the poor.

Prosperity and poverty are not the only choices we have. Author and practitioner Shane Claiborne offers a third option: "We need a third way, neither the prosperity gospel nor the poverty gospel, but the Gospel of abundance rooted in a theology of enough."

A gospel of abundance is found only in the kingdom of God, where somehow we have what we need when we need it. The kingdom of God is not like an ATM where we can get an endless supply of resources to spend however we like. It is a dispenser of resources offered to those who understand the ways of the kingdom. When there is a need and a person who can meet that need, the supply will never run out.

One of the greatest dangers in America, however, is complacency. We live in an affluent society whose values are skewed. A great question is, Where is the Spirit leading me as an individual and us as a community? This requires individual and corporate discernment. Most Western Christians are not pursuing either the gospel of poverty or the gospel of prosperity. The majority of Western Christians must wrestle with what a "theology of enough" means in a culture of excess. How will we discern what is enough? Who will make that decision? 

James Bryan Smith, The Good and Beautiful Community (2010)

let's get the uniting going

Let me state the obvious and awful truth: the church of Jesus Christ has been split into many different factions who refuse to have fellowship with one another. For a people who claim one Lord, one faith and one baptism, we are not one church but exist in isolation, judgment, suspicion and condemnation. This is a sad and terrible situation that undoubtedly grieves the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Race, class, denomination and doctrine separate the people of God. Sunday morning is the most segregated time of the week. There are over thirty thousand recognized Protestant denominations, and many of them reject every other denomination but their own.

Why? Because we have adopted a false narrative that gives us permission to separate from those who are different from us in appearance or status or belief. It goes something like this: "If you do not look like us, act like us, worship like us or think like us, we are not obligated to have fellowship with you."

Anglos worship with Anglos; Hispanics worship with Hispanics. Wealthy people attend church with wealthy people; poor people attend church with poor people. People who believe the Bible is inerrant fellowship only with those believe the same; people who believe homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle fellowship only with those who affirm same-sex relationships...

Do you speak in tongues? Do you sing hymns or praise music? Do you believe women can be pastors? Do you allow instruments in your sanctuary? These are questions we use to find out what people believe and practice, and the answers determine whether we can worship together. Some even question the salvation of those who answer differently. The sad fact is this: our divisions simply cannot be the way Jesus intended it to be. The false narrative... - if we disagree, then we must divide - allows this to happen and keeps it happening...

James Bryan Smith, The Good and Beautiful Community (2010)

---

"And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to babes in Christ. I fed you with milk and not with solid food; for until now you were not able to receive it, and even now you are still not able; for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men? For when one says, “I am of Paul,” and another, “I am of Apollos,” are you not carnal?"

1 Corinthians 3:1-4

"For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility."

Ephesians 2:14

agitative music and workouts

I never minded the coarse language in some of the workout music played at gyms or when my friends work out. I didn't mind working out to them too.

But just a few minutes ago, the coarse language in music that came with my workout video got me  angry at people - my mom and friends who talk to me past 1am, so angry I started judging them and harping on their faults. I couldn't fire up much power for my high-intensity exercise and I blamed them for my poor performance today. I got really agitated.

So agitated I couldn't continue the workout.

And I went to pray.

It's not the music's fault because I entertained those angry thoughts and let them start taking root in me. At the same time, the mental image of a shouty strong (wo)man isn't something that I want to emulate in my mind when I lift those weights or do those high knees. At the most superficial level, it's unattractive. At a less superficial level, I'm just deepening those associations my mind already has between muscle and violence - as if we haven't had enough of that! 

And in my surprising case of getting angry at specific people, it's also going to take quite some time to rectify these spur-of-the-moment accusations I conjured with my imaginative mind. Sure, they may just be thoughts, but these terrible thoughts can show up later in the way I interpret the attitude and behavior of my mom and friends whom I text with very late at night. And all that judging? Oh yes, it'll show up in the way I talk to them and think about them for sure.

So now I just wonder, why is agitative music such a popular method for people in the gym to generate physical strength? Are there other ways? 

One good thing though...my poor performance today is making a chronic under-sleeper like me hate late nights, so yay!