"my power is made perfect in weakness"

CARNAGE in 9 days: 63 comprehension passages, 28 essays, 4 examiner reports, and 2 red pens. 

Apparently this is the busiest time of each year as teachers rush to finish grading the students'  finals. 

I'm so thankful that I was early in meeting all my deadlines, save the first. As a greenhorn, I asked Jesus many times to help me stand up under the pressure as well as grade fairly. Sometimes I had to review the papers I graded more than 5 times. This took up to 2 hours each time. Usually I hate revisiting work I've done more than twice because I find it so boring and pointless. But Jesus helped me see that it wasn't about me, but the students who warrant a fair assessment and whose grades are at stake. It's so good that even this drab, sedentary process of grading teaches me to be other-centered.

Though there are no demons harassing me, Jesus' revelation to Paul still applies. 

But [Jesus] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses...in hardships...in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Paul's letter to the Corinth church (1st c. AD)

I love that Jesus cherishes our receptivity to his help when we admit that human strength alone ultimately fails. Though the human spirit desires perfection and all that is good, in reality it is weak, limited in knowledge and experience, limited by time and physicality, and is way more prone to bitterness and selfishness than appreciation and love. We are torn between somewhat knowing all that is good and trying our best, yet still failing to get what we want and keep it. It is such a terribly heavy and fearful burden to carry - what if that is all to our lives? That is a cruel, cruel sentence to carry.

I am so thankful that Jesus stands in the gap, having undergone even greater pressures, so much so that apparently he sweated blood because he knew he was going to be caught, tried unjustly, and then executed -- with the method Romans thought was most torturous and thus most deserving for the worst criminals. 

He has broken my chains and removed this heavy weight of only being able to rely on myself for goodness. Instead, he has fitted me with a yoke that is easy and light, a yoke of obedience that yields the peace and joy that the world thirsts for, cannot offer, yet rejects because it is apparently absurd, unscientific, or primitive. 

So I will rejoice in the fact that Jesus vindicates - and he empowers me, even in grading finals. I can rest and play in full trust that he gives me a clear mind and discipline when I get back to creating more carnage.

Thanks to Cedele at Rail Mall for the awesome, healthy food and uncomfortable seats so I could spend 4 alert hours each time to meet my deadlines. It gets a little embarrassing when the same crew sees me thrice a week, but I don't care + they earn money = yay!

“Are you tired? Worn out? ...Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” 

- Jesus

Only 35 more essays to go, yay!

Saying Goodbye

How do you do it?

How do you do it to teenagers who have touched you with their innocent precocity, their idealic optimism and altruism that is so lacking in the adult world?

The Start of Something New

Another term starts. New stuff happens so I'm glad I won't be totally sapped by accumulating piles of work (---> ie: essays ahhhhhh!!!!)

Firstly, I had planned for V for Vendetta to be screened to my Secondary 3 classes to discuss the ideas of violence, government and free will. They couldn't believe it when they realised it was an M18 movie. I was equally excited about it. So, I made posters and worksheets all by myself! Sadly, the movie was rejected at the last minute and I can't screen it to them. :( :( :( I was frowning after I got to know that. I mean, forget about the graphic parts, V for Vendetta is excellent to discuss concepts so closely related to life, to Social Studies! Moreover, it's decontextualised and the kids aren't always bogged down by content labelled as "MUG FOR MID-YEAR'S".

I heard about the great enthusiasm of some students to whom I screened the first quarter of the film too. Chris (Christine) made 3 kids stand up and raise their hands in a V shape in the air in class because they kept doing this action after watching V fight. LOL. I shouldn't have decided to screen it I THINK, the kids may not be not mature enough to watch it and by screening it in the identity of a teacher, it can be implied that the school endorses violence and the like. On the hand, I think that the dynamic film should be screened because they would be engaged to think. What a pity.

But looking on the bright side, I'm elated I tried something new. I took my own initiative to get away from the classroom teaching that we used to detest so much. I made my own movie posters for publicity and worksheets on something decontextualised. I got the students to be aware that Social Studies is alive and that it can be fun.

And then we have two new untrained teachers, Wee Kong and Chun Kiat. Chun Kiat was from NTU Mass Comm. and we were like whoa! He has a ruddy complexion with a golden tan. If I only I had his skin. I think mine is a little too fair. I miss the cranky times we had when Ruth was here, but Chun Kiat is very amiable and friendly, though he's almost a decade older than us.

I too, learnt a new tactic to handle tricky students. When they say I'm 'cute' (how discouraging! I'm adorable...but ugly :( :( ) or ask why I'm so short, I tell them off sternly, 'You don't talk like this to a teacher, ok!'. And when there are plain playful kids who aren't afraid of detention, punishment and outright reprimanding, I grab them by their shoulders to get their butts to their seats. I must admit it was quite funny, cos I did it to this Sec 1 kid who is notorious for his indifference and mischief. He was taken aback when I did so and guarded him beside his seat.

Oh! and I finally bought new running shoes. After that crazy night-cycling trip, my only pair of surviving pair of running shoes gave way at the front. And which brand is that? CHEATER BUG NIKE. I needed to replace the shoes once a year whenever I bought Nike, which has been the case since 6 years ago! Must be the cheap glue they gave to the sweatshops. Given the fast rate of depreciation of all my shoes (I finished using a pair of heels in 2 months LOL), my Nike shoes might spoil faster. Anyway, I can't wait to try my new shoes out at the school's Sports Carnival tomorrow. I'm playing Street Bendy and running the 4x100m C Div' relay for Drakon, the house with blue parts on the house shirt.

I'm tired, I need sleep. I going for a postponed night-cycling trip again tomorrow! : ) I'm going with churchmates, most of whom will be people from my batch (Mr Danny Boy and Ryan for example). I hope I won't get a lousy bike again and get left behind or cycle like crazy just to reach a satisfactory speed. But before that, I'm going to CCAB for our school's Sports Carnival. Yay. Yawn. I'm a tired and contented girl. Goodnight.

The First Term

Woohoo! The last day of school for this term. What better way to end it with God's gift of making Clementi Town the champion for West Zone Netball B Div Competition! We went to Toa Payoh to watch Clementi Town fight it out with Tanglin. If not for my failing throat, I would screamed and cheered like mad : D

For B Div:

1st place: Clementi Town
2nd place: Tanglin
3rd place: MGS
4th place: Nan Hua

Ever since a very taxing lesson on Thursday with a class gone wrong, my throat has been red and swollen with so much phlegm that I couldn't breathe at all when I was sleeping and walking. Nevertheless, I was glad that I still taught with my croaky voice that kept squeaking out of pitch and a flushed face. One of my Geography classes made a 'get well soon' card for me with almost everyone signing on it. How extremely sweet! Also, my Geography classes were more attentive when I talked. I guess being sick is not so bad after all. I can use emotional blackmail to make them pay attention haha.

I guess that's about it. I need to sleep and get better. God bless : )

Bias

After doing some reflection, I realised how I've become biased against certain classes and certain students and am in danger of becoming the idealist-turned-cynical teacher.

When Class A misbehaves slightly, eg: chit-chattering in class, it seems perfectly fine to me as the commotion will die down and I don't get very bothered. However, if Class B does the same thing, I would flare up and start reprimanding them. Class B is academically weaker than Class A. I'm biased.

At the start of the year, I was able to abandon any stereotypes of students based on their academic streams. I could see the potential and equally good nature in everyone. But my callousness has now caused me to revert back to believing in stereotypes, that certain stream students will always be misbehaving and not do well. :(

In my school, students who join Lion Dance are people who are in the academically weaker streams. They are the ones who are 'trouble-makers' and 'naughty students'. But today, I saw another side of them. I saw how they were so willingly and happy to put in their heart and commitment to putting up a good performance. It is a pity that society puts down such talented people just because they're not well-enough performers in the academic area.

This holiday season, I want to get rid of my biased way of teaching and start rediscovering every student as a beautiful human being.

By the way, good news guys! Rekha is TRULY going to become my colleague from next week onwards. Yippee!

Expressions

Yes, that's the title of the weekly journals my students write for English. I thought 'journal' would turn the kids off and remind them of yet another weekend chore, so I changed the name for novelty's sake.

Do you remember all the rantings and problems that you wrote down on your journals for catharsis? I remember not letting my guard off even I wrote the journal, fearing that it might cause disagreement amongst others who peep into my book.

Thankfully, the kids have written wonderful stuff. What they write really touch my heart and I thanked and thanked and thanked and thanked and thanked them for writing Expressions. They felt happy and special when I did that. :)

There is this Sec One kid who is training very hard to be a better basketball player for the school, so he plays during every break and even after school. He honestly and sincerely admitted this problem of neglecting his studies and the dilemma of a student really comes through. He drew this big face with a droopy mouth which was crying. How many students would be so honest to himself! To admit that one is playing too much and seeks help requires much courage and maturity, especially you are admitting it to a teacher. :)

Then there's this other kid who writes about her family background. She comes from a single-parent family and feels uneasy about making her uncle's financial burden greater as she is living in his house now. Then she goes on to tell how she would sometimes question her lot in life, why others have a mother but not her. She envies her friends who can enjoy the love a mother has to offer. Am I able to offer sisterly love that can hopefully make her happier?

Then there's this other kid who has come from PRC with his mother. It seems as if he is always trying to seek attention. When I cared for him personally, I think I could see the sincerity in his eyes which was usually replaced by indifference. Am I able to offer some sort of maternal love for him too?

There's this other adorable kid who, in his entry, thanked God for every single member of his family. He understands the rationale behind the his parents' actions and loved being in the same primary school as his sister. I hope he will remain like this even as he grows up to be an adolescent.

On a lighter note, I also have the conventional ones that inform me about the details of celebrities such as Rain and Show Luo Zhi Xiang. It's back to the time where kids idolise Chinese music culture so I feel a bit weird but it's okay. Now I know that the Taiwanese pop singer, Show, is going to be at Bugis Junction for an autograph session at 2pm tomorrow. Haha.

Kids are so innocent and aren't defensive of themselves -at least most of them are. What an admirable spirit to learn from! I feel very encouraged to be equally honest and sincere when I treat people too, which is something I hope to do more of. This reminds me of what Jesus said, 'Let children come unto Me', because we must be as innocent as children on evil things to be fit for heaven. Start regretting if you are or have not become a teacher. You learn a lot from kids!

Tired

Hi

I'm tired. I'm like this industrial plant that is beginning to reap diseconomies of scale. On the average, I work for almost 12 hours daily - 7am to 6.30pm in school. I get more amibitious by the day, trying to finish marking more and more work within the same day it is being submitted.

Sometimes I can't help it. You see, the Sec 1 kids are so adorable and the Sec 3 kids are a pleasure to teach. The way they look at you with wide eyes, raised eyebrows, rosy cheeks and high socks and high pants, or their candid laughter when you tell them guy to guy contact is 'unhealthy' simply melts your heart away and you feel that the diseconomies is worth it.

Problems aside, I really love teaching. And if I want to continue to teach with vigour, I need more sleep. JC life is over and I shan't have an excuse to sleep late. My eyelids are heavy....

I'm tired.

Antics

After reading Christine and Ruth's blogs, I feel inspired to blog about the antics i've seen so far. Haha, so here goes.

Scenario 1

Me: Where is Sunny?

A certain student: (falsely points to a Malay classmate) There!

Me: Yeah right. Sunny is outside in the sky. (points out of windows)

Scenario 2

Me: How do you say 'I hope you like the food' in your recipe?

Student: Use your mouth lah!

Scenario 3

Me: Good morning, class! (Class remains rowdy)

Student 1: OOOOOIIIIIII! SHUDDUP LAH! GOT TEACHER!

Student 2: OOOOOIIII! KEEP QUIET! (faces Student 1) I CAN SHOUT LOUDER THAN YOU, SEE?

Student 3: OOOOOIIIII! SHUDDUP LAH! YOU WANT ME TO PUMP YOU IS IT?!

(A few NCC and NPCC kids start doing pushups in front of the classroom.)

Scenario 4

Student: Whoa, teacher you so good ah! Give us 'Excellent' grade for class behaviour. First time leh!

Me: Yeah of course. You all were very quiet today, because you had a test haha.

Scenario 5

(I enter the classroom.)

Student: TEACHER! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(Starts decorating my pencilcase with a cute yellow furry wire)

Scenario 6

Student's recipe test answer goes: 'Next, take the eggs and smash it.'

Scenario 7

Another answer goes: 'This recipe is healthy and delicious.'

Scenario 8

Student: 'cher, (points to my earstuds) the roses real one ah?

Me: Yeah, do you want? I can sell them to you at $10 each.

Student: Whoa so expensive. Don't want anymore.

Haha, so cute.

Good Money

If you know what work I did today, on my first day of relief teaching, you'd agree with me that i'm earning good money. Because the only effort I pitched in was the energy for metabolism, trips to the commode and the canteen, and for reading my Social Studies textbook, the part about Singapore's road to independence. How's that? Haha.

I only teach Secondary One kids on Wednesdays, and it just so happens that today is their first day of orientation. So, I had nothing to do the whole day. LOL. The only consolation is the salary. Nonetheless, I thank God for His gracious and merciful plan. Merciful because I get to learn from feedback and comments my fellow relief teachers gave after returning from their first lessons with the classes. Merciful because He knows I am a workaholic like my dad, especially when I get scared or stressed. Gracious because you know...the pay for today. Haha. Gracious because my colleagues are so humble and helpful. Gracious because the expressway makes the journey to school last for under 45 minutes for me to get home.

Serious teaching will commence tomorrow, but I'd still say the salary is good money, because what comes with it is a priceless teaching experience.