you're still the rose

In my hardship, I could not see Jesus. In my heart, I could not see how He was good in the midst of one of the hardest times I've gone through so far. I lost my appetite, my sleep, a lot of hair, my ability to stand up and walk. I lost color from my face, and I could not smile for days, let alone laugh. I lost my voice and could not speak, and in the following two weeks, I felt two growths in my throat. My neck and head hurt too. But these were the least of concerns to me...because it felt like what I had lost was everything that mattered in life.

Though Jesus suffered my misunderstandings of Him, He has been patiently nursing my wounds. He grieved with me and comforted me, and sustained my life. He gave me courage to cut out without mercy things that hurt me, even though that was the only hope I had left. He is healing me so that now I can enjoy food again and praise Him with a voice that He so loves to hear. He has restored His color and radiance to my face, and now I smile and can laugh. In cutting out my own hopes, he is replacing the void in my chest with His hope, just like He did for Abraham. With his love, which is better than life, He recovered my life.

It still hurts, but He has been making me better and will continue to do so till I'm fully well. And He speaks to me every day about how much He loves me. Once, in my sadness and fear, He told me, "My child, you're still the rose". And just today, I realized that a flower which so captivated me three months ago because it resembled the English rose, was also known as the rose of Sharon.

It probably is not the exact kind of flower talked about when Song of Solomon used the term "rose of Sharon". But it is all so clear now...this is the seventh time that Jesus has given me roses and things related to roses. Today, I know that my Lover is asking me this.

Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.

And I say yes. Jesus, my One True Love, yes, I'm coming with You now.

all cry out

I don't like it when they saw down trees. The chainsaw cries in reluctance because it is forced to kill. And then, all is silent as life in and on the tree ends. The wind blows and fetches nothing but silt. It does not sing - there are no baby swallows that cry, nor sunbirds that flitter. Nor squirrels or macaques that play amongst the trees.

No leaves to even rustle. And I grieve with the chainsaw for all the younglings who fall with the tree. My heart beats in exasperation.

How long more till the end of this? Sometimes I really feel that my heart cannot take it. Yet somehow, I always manage to.

always embracing

I got off the bus and stepped into an all-familiar warmth that embraced me. The tropical sun that is warm and always gentle, it never bites.

The warmth wrapped around me, first between each of my legs and then my arms. Yes, this is the sun I know since I could remember it. I never realized this, and realizing it made me enjoy my walk home. Suddenly, everyone was walking so fast again, even though it was a lazy Saturday late morning.

Then the short breezes that come and go. They teased my hair and pecked me on the cheek before saying goodbye.

Passing my old apartment, I saw pieces of a red eight of hearts strewn across the floor, its sides neatly cut. But that was too much too bear. It was too cold under shelter, cold and drabby like a damp cell - I needed to feel the lovely embrace again.

And I saw the blue against which the trees were imprinted...

So the skies here are beautiful, it's just that the damp prison cells we live in cover them up away from us.

I smiled, keeping that small piece of hindered blue sky into the locket of skies in my heart. I bring the locket wherever I want to go.

I was home.

That ten-minute walk was simply magical.

Our Job as Gardenkeepers

What does the creational mandate mean for us believers today?

Does the Great Commission replace it by emphasizing spiritual multiplication over physical lineage?

Since 2 Peter 3 tells us all creation is going to be dissolved away in fire in the future, do we stop taking care of God's creation? Or do we let forests burn, mock at recycling campaigns, and ignore abused animals?

Perhaps believers who believe we can abandon the creation mandate (in its literal sense) are trying to avoid the humanist, social gospel in the 1980's and 90's that prized physical needs over Jesus Christ as the means to 'make the world a better place'.

But God would be quite a deceptionist if he let me feel the way I did today. While on my way to school, I saw a three-week-old-ish kitten wet, lonely and mewing very loudly in the drain. It was most probably carried off by the morning rain. For a kitten the size of my short-fingered palm, it must have been terrifying. Immediately and instinctively, I wanted to help Kitty. I wanted to grab a towel and buy cat's milk and skip class and bring it home.

Turned out there are were three others washed further down the drain, and they were 'adopted' by a few girls who live in the vicinity. For a while, I was worried and hoped the kids take care of the kittens properly.

And just a while ago, I finally saw my neighbor's cats again after they went into hiding for a few days from a stray cat who wanted to fight with one of them. I play with them so they come to me. When we heard that street cat calling, the cats hid for a while but they ended not being afraid, because they knew I was around. And I was bigger and more powerful than that street cat, like God promised when he restated to Noah's family the command to multiply and rule over His creation.

Maybe I'm not making much sense because my thoughts are preliminary. But I want to know what God says about environmentalism and loving animals. It's pretty obvious why, but I want to know how to defend it.

I don't know how to do up captions, but that's cute lil Ginger of Little Chapel after an hour of 'quiet time' with her, and this is sky...in Singapore!

never bored in tucson

"Mexican Drug Cartel Violence Spills Over, Alarming U.S."

Catch all the action here in Tucson. Yet another reason why I can never be bored of this wonderful place. Tucson, I love you!

PS: had a life-changing time this spring break. I went for the fellowship's spring break bible retreat, Oak Creek Canyon in Sedona, and made it back from a 15mile hike from the rim of the Grand Canyon to Colorado river and back in one day with shock, fear and awe and brotherly love, and Los Altos and San Francisco. Places are not as fantastic as the way God was changing me through these events.

Again, I pray my resolution for this year, to be humble and weak before God. My Bridegroom, the Lover of my soul, print your words onto my heart and make it tender towards You.

What Makes Me Happy

All that endless bus-riding to different places of Singapore without Geography or Economics notes has given me much time to reflect on random matters. One of these is the things that make me happy. I thought I might note it down so I can be reminded to be happy in the future.

I love the tweetering of birds at the window in the morning at seven. All that melodious chirping reminds me of those kids in Enid Blyton's books who live in beautiful secret forests. It reminds me that life goes on, and I should be happily free and simple like the birds. God will take care of us. He takes care of the sparrows that do not reap nor sow. Thus He would take even greater care of us, who are served and protected by His angels.

I love giving it all when I play sports. The feeling of heavy perspiration against my neck, arms and legs tells me I've played hard enough for the day. I feel untangled from the clasps of life's hustle and bustle, as if I can jump high enough to reach the sky! if I could. What's more, I get a good night's sleep. : )

I love playing well during violin practices when my teacher, Miss Quah, plays duet pieces with me. The music that resonates in my mind often leaves me laughing and skipping along the way home. I could have screamed in excitement if I wanted to! There's this feeling of having butterflies in your stomach and your heart skips a beat or a two.

I love lying down on the ground and looking at stars on a quiet night, with only the croaking of frogs and screeching of crickets looking for mates. The starriest sky that I have seen in Singapore was 3 years back, during the Youth Fellowship camp in Tengah BP. The stars remind me of God's inexplicably wonderful plan for Abraham. He showed Abraham the stars and promised to make him the Father of All Nations, with generations of children that are as many as the stars in the sky and the sand in the beach. Joy fills my heart because God has proven His faithfulness unto thousands of generations.

I love my bed, my blankie, my bolsters, my pillow and my 4-year old buddy, Xiao Bai, a white turned-greyish teddy dog. They are always there when I drift off to sleep either in tears or in smiles, making me feel safe. I am happy because I have a proper bed to sleep. Not everyone has the luxury of a bed, not even baby Jesus when He descended for me. I can't imagine sleeping in a manger! Hay-filled or otherwise, I would suppose that it stinks of animal food, not to mention the musky, mixed animal smells in the barn.

I am also happy when people whom I love shows reciprocral love for me. A simple pat on the back just to say goodbye or a passionate hug makes my heart equally happy. I have to agree with Morries from Mitch Albom's Tuesdays With Morries that humans enjoy human contact. This is synonymous with the social needs of needing each other when we are babies, half-wasted old folks, and even when we are healthy, independent teenagers and adults. Or, a text message of concern or gratitude makes my day too!

That's all I have thought of so far. I believe there are other things that make me happy, and I, with plenty of time whilst travelling, will ponder over them and not let my brain cells wither as fast. Haha. Goodnight!