Beyond the Church Bells

(via Samaritan's Purse)

"Some yearn to live within the sound of a churchbell, I'd rather run a rescue mission within a yard of hell."

C.T. Studd, early modern missionary to China,
English national cricketer, late 19th. c

ultimate pwnage

I want to meet Jesus in person...

in the midst of my demonic nightmares
at night or when I am alone threatened by bad images
when I'm having trouble in the bathroom
when I know I've done him proud
when I am sad for my family
when I am walking through dark alleys
when I run to cry in a corner
by my bed every night before I sleep
in NIE and te years of fulfilling my teaching contract
when my mom grieves
at UP's Freedom Park to chill
when I sing or train my voice
every time I laze around on my bed
in the battlefield
at funerals
in the theater when they are screening sinful scenes
and bring him to meet my family
when I am giddy
when I leave this world
when I come back to life after I die

When I was in the Philippines, I saw an image pass by. I know the Evil One deliberately let my brain register an unpleasant image, though it was just split-second image. The image didn't come back, but two days ago, it came back when I was just falling sleep.

For the past two weeks that I've been back, I've been dreaming bad things involving murder or lust. It is Grotesque and in my dream I didn't think about God at all. These days it's not so frequent. I rebuke in Jesus' name and I don't let them affect me.

Last night I watched a really good movie. My only regret was that I deliberately watched some scary scenes though I knew my highly visual self wouldn't be able to keep these images away from my dreams.

I went to bed in the dead of night on guard and wary. I could feel that my room wasn't safe. The demons were playing with my mind, replaying some of the images from the movie and from my nightmares over the past two weeks.

In my heart, there was a strong urge. A voice to write this poem of sorts, to rebuke the demons, and to call out to Jesus. As I wrote the poem, the fear I felt in my bedroom was leaving. For the second time in my life, I was very sure that Jesus was in my room with me. I didn't feel his presence, I knew he was there at 3am with me.

In case you are creeped out, don't be. Evil exists in our hearts, and there is a Mastermind behind all this evil. Of course he is sooo angry he is tearing living people down right now, and he's super-intense about it because he knows he doesn't have much time left (Revelations 12:12). He accuses us incessantly about our imperfections and failures, he wants to devour us so that we cannot bring people under his control back to life through believing and following Jesus (Revelations 12:10; 1 Peter 5:8).

Yesterday I'm so glad Jesus won that battle in my bedroom with me. I claim victory not by my own credits (demons are not impressed by our achievements), but by the blood of Jesus Christ, which has broken the ultimate threat of death the demons have over every human that has lived on earth (Ephesians 1: 20-21, 2: 6-9).

So to sum up: Satan, you suck big time and you have no right to attack me. My Jesus has pwned you left right center.

the singing people of los baños

The only singing Filipinos I've ever met were the UST singers when they sang at the Esplanade Concert Hall in 2008. I thought that maybe they would somehow be different from the many Filipinos I see in Singapore. Their massively beautiful and dynamic voices must be partly because of their tall and well-built gait.

Then I met the singing folks from the UPLB (Uni. of Philippines Los Baños) Choral Ensemble. They weren't the Anglo-ish giants that I had in my mind, just ordinary folks like me who are really committed and passionate lovers of choral music.

Two of my team mates and I bumped into a group of them (Rommel, Jacob, Jedd, Jae, and Reg) at Freedom Park at the UPLB campus. They were just practicing some songs, chilling at the really chill park, and that's how we all met. Two days later, we were so privileged to be invited to their rehearsal. Nothing's like live good choral music, and their singing brought back some of the vague sounds and wonderful feelings I remember while I still sang with a choir in Singapore.

Then it was time to leave. The five of us had to head back for our next program. And then they decided to sing for us to thank my teammate for translating an Indonesian song for an upcoming competition. Listening to them sing was one thing, listening to them sing for us was another. It was magical.

And they were going to sing one more song, and they invited us to sing with them this time round. That was super-kind of them, especially when it was precious rehearsal time because they were competing two days later! In a flurry of noises, it somehow ended up with just me joining them. They were talking about a certain Singapore Medley, which sounds like a mashup of local folk songs and national songs.

Then the most beautiful thing happened.

They began singing Ikaw!!! I thought we were going to sing the medley thing?!

Ikaw 'You' is about the only Tagalog song I can remember almost in its entirety, thanks to the lyrics that some girls wrote for me while painting my henna tattoo. It's a love song by Sharon Cuneta made famous by Regine Velasquez. Some Filipino men like to sing with their wives at their wedding. I'm still wanting to know which arrangement we sang.

I was too moved and overwhelmed to tear, but I could tell you I was on the verge of it. I'd like to think that this is exactly how I would feel if someone I love got down on his knees to propose to me. Yes, it was that romantic and sweet and lovely.

Singing with them also brought back some of the old fears that haunted me when I sang in the choir. It kind of became a self-fulfilling prophecy and I probably sounded like a pretty timid soprano.

Yet at the same time, their loving on me really moved me.

Do you know how much effort it takes to sing well? It is a very tiring thing. Your whole physical body engages in producing the different tones and tunes, your mind pulls out what you have memorized and and practiced so hard about the song's technicalities, your interpretation of it, and its meanings. On top of that, you put your heart and soul into it - literally - emotionally. It's kind of heart to separate them because I believe singing is a deeply personal (and corporate) thing, but I think you get the point. It is very tiring.

And the song finishes into a momentary silence. We just magically connected looking at one another and singing, and I was very touched.

There was no way we could retain that gift of love that we both gave. It just ended, and it would never happen again. The same feelings, the same people, the same event...that's why I cherish it so much.

My only regret is that we didn't take a picture with everyone there!!! I want to be back again next year and hopefully get to know them more.

The UPLB Choral Ensemble has inspired me. I don't have formal musical or vocal training, I'm small and short, and I only started singing proper in 2005.

But God has given me a voice. A marvelous instrument that shows both how vulnerable, healthy, and attractive I am when I use it. What will I do with it? Jesus warns in the Parable of the Talents that he will take away my singing talent if I do nothing with it, but he will refine my voice by leaps and bounds if I use it for his Kingdom.

To think that I was out at Freedom Park asking God for people I could befriend and hopefully share Jesus with. God has proved to me again that he is in everything and everyone, with Jesus being the fulfillment of this lovely singing episode. If just a song moved me so much, how much more it moves me to know someone died on my behalf so I can live in freedom, hope, and love!

And out of all possibilities, God let our paths cross. What do you have in plan for our new friendships, God?

The UPLB Choral Ensemble
(via Philippine Chorale Wiki)

It's pretty sweet that I can watch their videos on Youtube and go, "Hey! I know him/her!" or "I've seen her before! We actually sung together." Well, at least some of them.

I love how God connects people around the world with their passion for music.

how will life change?

May 29, 2010

The plane just took off for Singapore.

Goodbye was hasty, and my eyes were shifty. Maybe I should have told people that it's because I'm only wearing contact lens for my right eye and it got a little hard to focus.

I haven't found the black pen I bought in Phils, but I got some kind words of thanks in return. The Caldosas have been so thankful, and they make an effort to express their gratitude together as a family. They amaze and inspire me so much. In them I see a glimpse of the joy, gentleness, and hope my family would have when they follow Jesus Christ. I know it will happen, it is just a matter of time.

Who would I miss? Jason, Salve, Ate Jonalyn, Ramon, Dado, Rommel, Jedd, Jae, Reg, Carlo, Marian, Rose Ann, Lorden, Ate Nora, Ate Viring, Ate Lo, Mathew, Anton, Aldrin, Ailyn, Mark Joseph...Maybe many of their names will fade away in my memories, but God, I know that you have known each of them before the earth was created. You oversaw them in their moms' wombs, and you want to be involved in their desires, interests, and wounds.

How will life back home be like? I will once again return to where I live, where my friends are. How will life change? How will I interact with people? How will I look at people differently? How will I interact with my friends differently?

I can't believe I left you. There was so much goodbye I wanted to say, I'll miss you.

my love letters to you

May 29, 2010

Oh Phils! If only you would read all these love letters I write to you.

Today I will leave in about five hours' time. It is both sad and amazing that every single combination of events and people will never happen again.

Maybe it's not about 'losing' these moments that will never happen again - they change me. These moments that fade away...they translate into emotions, beliefs, and memories in my heart that will change the way I live and think.

Filipinos are so beautiful.

an overwhelmed heart

I just got back from a three-week escapade to Los Baños, the Philippines to learn more about God, and how I can serve him through helping people. What I got in return was a super-fascination and excitement about the people, their creativity, and the culture.

They are so beautiful - the women so feminine, the men so charming, the youths and kids so lovely.

I have felt so much in my heart, and I still continue to feel much of it. And it is very overwhelming yet again, for me to come back to Singapore (is it because of her grotesque capitalism and her cruelly distorted fast pace of life?). Overall, I still feel very overwhelmed (in a good way) it is hard for me to put everything in words.

So within this week or two, I will put in here just a few of my journal entries for the last week so you can ease your curiosity.

May 28, 2010

I hate saying goodbye, but I still survived it again yesterday night. Dear God, why do we always have to say goodbye? Even in the perfect world you created, you intended for people to fill the earth. And that means people had to part from each other.

I thank you for helping me live in a way that leaves a good impression on younger girls, and hopefully they recognize that the beauty they see is the beauty of Jesus Christ.

I'm sitting on the floor of the jeepney now, crammed with my team. I see a beautiful view of the Makiling forest as the jeepney drives on. A view that few people see...the 'back' of the forest in reverse time. Even if we drove back along the same route, they would never catch the same view I have.

But this beautiful view is obscured by the silhouettes of my friends all crammed in the vehicle. What little I know of the Phils has been just as beautiful, though I don't know much about it, or even the life stories of each individual I meet. Mysterious and fascinating.

Mahal kita, Phils.

courageous faith

Not long ago, Mehdi Dibaj had to appear before the judge in Iran. In the courtroom, a defense written by Dibaj himself was read. It sounded like the testimony of a modern Paul. In the next few days we will copy this testimony in abridged form, without trying to rewrite it in devotional form. The testimony speaks for itself.

With all humility I express my gratitude to the Judge of all heaven and earth for this precious opportunity and with brokenness I wait upon the Lord to deliver me from this court trial according to His promise. I also beg the honored members of the court present to listen with patience to my defense and with respect for the name of the Lord.

I am a Christian, a sinner who believes that Jesus has died for my sins on the cross. Jesus paid the penalty for our sins by His own blood and gave us new life so that we can live for the glory of God. He has asked me to deny myself and to be His fully surrendered follower and not fear people even if they kill my body.

I have been charged with “apostasy”. In Islamic law an apostate is one who does not believe in God, the prophets or the resurrection of the dead. We Christians believe in all three.

They say, "You are a Muslim and you have become a Christian." (In many Islamic countries a Muslim who becomes a Christian may receive the death penalty.)

No, for many years I had no religion. After searching and studying, I accepted God’s call and I believed in the Lord Jesus Christ. People choose their religion, but a Christian is chosen by Christ. He says, "You have not chosen me but I have chosen you."

People say, "You were a Muslim from your birth." God says, "You were a Christian from the beginning." A Christian means one who belongs to Jesus Christ.

I would rather have the whole world against me, but know that the Almighty God is with me, or be called an apostate but know that I have the approval of the God of glory. Who can destroy the relationship between the creator and the creature, or defeat a heart that is faithful to God? He will be safe and secure under the shadow of the Almighty. Our refuge is the mercy seat of God. I know in whom I have believed, and He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him to the end, until I reach the Kingdom of God. That is the place where the righteous will shine like the sun, but the evildoers will receive their punishment in hell.

They tell me, "Return!" But who can I return to from the arms of my God? Is it right to accept what people are saying, instead of obeying the Word of God? I have now been walking with the God of miracles for 45 years. His kindness to me is like a shadow and I owe Him so much for His fatherly love and concern.

The love of Jesus has filled all my being and I feel the warmth of His love in every part of my body.

The test of faith is a clear example. The good and kind God tests us in preparation for heaven. The God of Daniel, who protected Daniel’s friends in the fiery furnace, has protected me for nine years in prison. All the bad things that have happened to me have turned out for my good and gain. So much so, that I am filled with joy and thankfulness.

The God of Job has tested my faith and commitment in order to strengthen my patience and faithfulness. During these nine years He has freed me from all my responsibilities so that I could spend my time in prayer and study of His Word, with heart searching and brokenness, and grow in the knowledge of my Lord. I praise the Lord for His unique opportunity. He gave me space in my confinement, my difficult hardships brought healing and His kindness revived me. Oh what great blessings God has in store for those who fear Him.

People object to my evangelizing, but "If you find a blind person near a well and keep silent then you have sinned." (A Persian poem.)

It is our Christian duty, as long as the door of God’s mercy is open, to convince evil doers to turn from their sinful ways and find refuge in Him, in order to be saved from the wrath of a righteous God and from the coming dreadful punishment.

Jesus Christ says, "I am the door. Whosoever enters through me, will be saved." "I am the way, the truth and the life. No-one comes to the Father except through me."

Among the prophets of God, only Jesus Christ rose from the dead, and He is our living intercessor forever. He is our Savior and He is the Son of God. To know Him means to know eternal life.

I, a useless sinner, have believed in Him, and I have committed my life into His hands. Life for me is an opportunity to serve Him, and death is a better opportunity to be with Christ. Therefore, I am not only satisfied to be in prison for the honor of His holy name, but am ready to give my life for the sake of Jesus my Lord and enter His Kingdom sooner. May the shadow of God’s kindness and His hand of blessing and healing be upon you and remain for ever. Amen.

With respect
your Christian prisoner
Mehdi Dibaj

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Dibaj was set free two months after he wrote this "defense" – but was killed soon afterwards. Yet, even though he is dead, he still speaks.

(via Open Doors International)