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I've been writing so much for my papers the past week that if I write anymore, I will probably kill myself.

Just kidding, you know it!

I'm desperate for hangout buddies, but so happens that people are busy this weekend especially with Easter. My friends tell me I can chill at home, but that's what I've been doing this week, on top of drawing and writing quite a number of letters. I have to say it is God's grace that he let me chill and finish a lot of homework.

So, please hang out with me if you see this (I'm assuming you're my friend, that is)! Text or call me.

Plan B
Climb Bukit Timah hill, maybe twice.
Give free hugs downtown over the weekend
(that should burn a lot of time!)
Run.
Go on a reading date with myself at Botanic Gardens
Write a book. which is unlikely. LOL
Eat bugs, which is highly unlikely.
So is eating cat meat as they do somewhere else.
Maybe draw some more if I'm inspired.

Yeah, so hang out with meeeee.

王力宏先生

Dedicated to 王力宏 who will finally return to Hebei, China, tomorrow (Mar. 27) night after three years of wages promised but not given, under the unexpected oppression by ruthless employers.
Thank you for teaching me faith and frustration, my brother.

---------------------------

The many faces behind a building
do you see it?
The walls that hide them
and Cut them
off the rest of the world.

Do you see clearly the eye
that sparks are eating away
The neck that we crush
Mercilessly - right now
All a bloody fun mess.

I'm beside you, I'm with you.
Was I not whipped endlessly
in a bloody fun mess?
Was I not spit upon - naked, crying, trembling
no dignity?

Was I not abandoned by everyone
WAS I NOT ABANDONED BY GOD...for you?

Yet I chose this path,
because I love you.

Don't be afraid to
say I'm afraid or
Sorry.

I love you. Follow me beyond the walls, the mess, the cross, the world...to Love.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."

1 John 4:16

Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.

The heavens must have decided to play some kinda joke with me. After a month's worth of dry weather, it decided to rain the entire day today, on the exact day that I planned to go to the marina barrage with some friends from French class for a picnic. Alors, tant pis, we had a decent enough day with chatting over coffee and shopping, gloomy weather notwithstanding.

The ESP Blackshot competition organised by the ESP Club was held on Friday evening, so I rushed back to the simulations lab after French tutorial. Turns out we over catered, so we had something like 5 trays worth of food unfinished with everyone already bursting at the seams. Unwilling to throw away what was perfectly good food, we decided to pass it to the workers in the building who were still working on the renovations. It was a hellish scene that greeted us when we exited the lift. Compared to our brightly lit and relatively clean floor, this one was very dark with sporadic light sources. Our noses were assaulted by a nauseating combination of sweat and aerosols. We saw an Indian worker painting the wall while wearing a mask. Unfortunately he wasn't wearing protective goggles and his right eye was visibly inflamed.

When I saw that, all my comparatively trivial thoughts vanished and got replaced by a sense of guilt. Here we are complaining about our lives, fretting over our grades and weight while these people are in need of so much compassion. In our design projects labs, protective gloves and goggles are required even with almost no chance of infection. For the poor worker, the state of his eyes and health are simply not worth the cost of a pair of goggles. In the end we had to put the food trays on the only clear surface in the dimly lit room, knowing full well that it'll get contaminated soon enough by the drilling occurring right above it but grateful for the chance to do something good for these people, evidenced by the thankful smiles on their faces as we left. I did construction work before during my NS days and I immediately recognized the exhausted looks on their faces. Construction is shit work, muscles you never knew you had ache constantly and your brain just slows to a crawl. They were working at night so as to minimize the disturbance to the researchers and admin staff working in the building, but it meant that visibility was poor and I wouldn't be surprised if accidents happened.

To me, this exemplifies exactly what's wrong with our society. We consider ourselves kind and compassionate, yet we would rather splurge money on dainty parities or our precious pets than do something for our fellow human beings. Parents would pay close to half a million dollars to send their kids overseas than buy lunch for the workers renovating their house. Teenagers have money to spend days at a cafe and on clothes while engineering graduates from India become construction workers in Singapore because it pays better than an engineering job back home. Yet we shun them like the plague and complain when they want to build a dormitory in our neighborhood. It's just like the mother with 2 daughters who wrote into the forum complaining of smelly NSFs taking the public transport and demanding that they should be banned. I wonder if she'll still say the same after both her daughters get raped by enemy soldiers with her powerless to intervene.

So lest we get caught up in the rat race and self importance, I think it's a stark reminder of the suffering in the world. On my deathbed, I don't want to ask myself exactly what I've done in my life other than the accumulation of wealth and power and be unable to answer. I quote from Matthew 25:37-40. 'Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and cloth you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The king will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.''

Some food for thought. (:

(via Alvin)

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

To crush underfoot
all prisoners in the land,
to deny a man his rights
before the Most High,
to deprive a man of justice—

would not the Lord see such things?

Lamentations 3:28-36

Esther

Today my sister was gone, like lost. She was lost for something like over three hours, un-contactable and she forgot her house keys...and she's only 10! Turning 11 next Sunday to be exact. I wasn't there when it happened, but it sure was so terrible yet peaceful at the same time trying to get to the mall my sis last was so I could find her.

First it felt surreal, then it became a strange mix of peace and occasional bouts of tears while I was trying to get to the mall my sis was last at. I really cannot imagine how it'd be like if we lost our precious little girl. She brings so much joy and affection to the family. I didn't find her at the mall, because my sis CALLED (?!) to say she was home.

Turns out she had been a refugee at my neighbor's, and she didn't know my mum was already home.

When I got home, my sis was crying sooo badly. Not because she was scared - she was heartbroken to know that my mum was crying over her and cooking dinner at the same time after she couldn't find her at the mall.

Isn't that the same about my Dad above with me, and every person on earth? I don't think I've any idea how heartbroken He is when one of his own refuses him despite their captivity...even to the point of no return for eternity. That also means I have absolutely no idea how much joy there is when God says he's found another of his child back! That's me! And countless many other believers. I will possibly never fully understand how precious I am as a daughter in my parents' eyes. And in God's eyes too.

I love a saying by the Chinese: 儿女是父母心头上的一块肉, lit. 'children are a big piece of flesh off their parents' hearts'.

I'm soo glad for friends who know and love my sis for the silly things she does (I keep a log of these things on Twitter). Thanks for worrying and rejoicing with me - I know that's God's love pouring through your calls, texts, and prayers. My mum especially appreciates it so much.

And so:

To my dear gas-farting, shorts-grabbing, nose-picking, Asian drama-stalking, shriek-laughing, homework-asking, sleep-posing, Runescape-Mafia Wars-Restaurant City-Pet Society-Plock-playing, song-crooning, Taylor Swift-loving, viral video-watching sister...

I love you.

meow

under construction

I'm such a noob at html, so while I fix stuff please bear with the funny title about a yellow bird from my old layout, and the links on top that don't work!

I am doing good these days. I'm busier this week with more schoolwork, but this week has started off very well so far. My definition of 'well' being emotionally moving and provoking.

I saved a few-days-old baby cat from a drain gushing with rainwater; someone very poor by Singapore's standards treated me to a very precious lunch (and he is a brother in Christ so I will see him forever!). The mum of this kid I tutor told me many stories about how God is using her and her maid right now amongst her neighbors - they don't go out a lot because of some obligations, so God brings people to them online, through texts, or even 'coincidences' like having someone coming to Christ because she picked up the maid's verse cards that dropped off on the street. OUT OF THE WORLD I tell you.

Today, I slept in to a cool morning, away from the ferociously sunny and humid weather nowadays.

I am also learning that it can be so difficult to stay true to what I believe Christ has convicted in my heart to live out, both among believers and non-believers. I am really glad that I'm not facing this alone because of friends like Yvonne, Olie, and a few others who are there to listen.

Maybe self-denial and slavery to Christ is the way to go: not focusing on what I really desire, and whether it's been met, but being genuinely interested in them and their lives. Right now, I just don't feel like serving them, or even hang out with some. Sometimes I assume that believers are perfect and now I get disillusioned that they aren't. Hmm..

Hope

Hope is strength to walk along, and music to my song - I’ll be redeemed.
Light a fire in the cold; buy me back where I am sold.
I’ll be redeemed.
All the waves of time are crashing, and our innocence is gone...

Stay when dirt is on my face from my ravaging and waste. I’ll be redeemed.
Stay close when sand is at my feet. Let me hear the parting sea.
I’ll be redeemed.
If I wait till light is shining, I may never find the day.

So quick to turn from promise
So quick to ask the questions
So softly the moon shines down tonight and all my soul is silent.

Hope, I’ll be waiting, I’ll be holding on to
I am never knowing, so I’ll be holding on to
hope

Hope, Alli Rogers
Get her free music here (it's legal).