Summer Ends

What I did this summer:

Meeting God weekly with a group of friends
Sacked all tuition kids, except giving mercy on one
Competed on a daily diet of the same dish of chicken with rice

Travelled to Slovakia, where Asians were novelty exhibitions
(especially so when we were wearing ethnic costumes);
Salzburg, where the tour guide advised that if we were scared as the bus drove uphill
We could close our eyes, just like what the driver is doing;
Vienna, where insects and humidity never bothered the grass;
London, where cupcakes were made of bloodied hummingbirds
...and Piggotts, where lunch under the blue English hue came true!

Enjoyed quietude and greenery with Corrie ten Boom,
and then crying through the stale, greasy air with her afterwards.
Met Jerry Bridges and koinonia, currently also catching respectable sins,
Suffered from brain enlargosis after Don Carson's hijack,
Engaged as a temporary visionary fisherman with Joseph Stowell,
Know that my salvation has been WAY assured than AIA and Great Eastern's sneaky plots,
Attended a course on legitimate destruction with Nick Pollard,
and praising our Refuge in verse with King David.

Prayed for friends and with friends.
Sang music so beautiful I've never praised the Creator also of the Light invisible and intellectual that wonderfully,
Learning to love beyond the honeymoon phase.
Renewed to be more Christlike.

No More.

'The wild animals honour Me, the jackal and the owls,
because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to My People, My chosen,
the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim My praise.

Yet You have not called upon Me, O Jacob,
you have not wearied yourselves for Me, O Israel.
You have not brought Me sheep for burnt offerings,
nor honoured Me with your sacrifices.

I have not burdened you with grain offerings nor wearied you with demands for incense.
You have not brought any fragrant calamus for Me,
or lavished on Me the fat of your sacrifices.

But you have burdened Me with your sins
and wearied Me with your offenses.
I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.'

Isaiah 43:20-25

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Words and Music by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

Psalm 100

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before Him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is He who made us, and we are His;
We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving
and His courts with praise;
give thanks to Him and praise His Name.

For the Lord is good and His love endures forever;
His faithfulness continues through all generations.

My Paunchy Ragbag

If I were to ever make something to represent my current state, I'd make something like this.
(I googled 'swollen head' and I got this picture titled 'toothache', but never mind.)

So I shall unload some of my grey matter here:

In His Time, and the Beauty of Free Will
Sometimes our hearts get so ached from mourning for the sin of the world, backslid or lukewarm Christians, proud hearts that refuse the Gospel, and we ask, 'God, why wouldn't You show them that You are the Sovereign God whom all are to fear and to repent to?'. From here, we may have an inclination to go and help solve these problems, forgetting that we are but tools for God's use, who furthers His Will in His own time. As the Teacher says, 'God will bring to judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time for every deed' (Ecclesiastes 3:17). In God's time, He will save those whom He has chosen to be His sons. In His time too, will He revive the tepid love of His children, leading them back with the ties of love (Hosea 11:4), which He has been holding onto all along. In rushing God's Will, we pride in our own judgment and we become too arrogant to have faith that God will does His Will best in His own time. And so, amidst the urgency for resolution for the things and people we mourn over, we need to pray for wisdom - to know how to respond and how to interact with these people - and humility, that we might not put our own judgment higher than God's. Our God is Sovereign, surely He can bring this people back to Him instantaneously. But He loves us so much He wants us to return to Him willingly, convinced of our Father's love and the sin of our going astray from the narrow gate to Heaven. How beautiful is that!

Abstract Art can be used for God's sake too.
I just finished reading this book called 'Art For God's Sake' by Philip Graham Ryken, which offers a brief introduction to the biblical theology on arts. (I'm reminded of something I wrote in January this year, Greek Masterpieces from the Louvre Museum.) It helped clear some doubts I had about abstract art, which especially bugs me because I am involved in a choir who experiments greatly with aleatory and structure and sings aleatoric music annually in a church. Abstract art glorifies God too, because (1) God blesses all art forms just as He blessed Bezalel with the 'skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts' to make His tabernacle in Exodus 31, (2) it is capable of expressing Christian truths (not to say that all God-glorifying art have to be directly linked to Christianity in content). Such realisation has brought me to appreciate my conductor, Mrs Valarie Wilson, even more. The juxtaposition of singing On suuri sun rantas autius in aleatory with God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen interposed in unison shows structure among chaos, that Christ coming to earth brings 'tidings of comfort and joy' to the desolate, dystopian world modern and postmodern art portray. And also, that art is to be beautiful, good and true, just like how the dissonance in John Rutter's Hymn to the Creator of Light opens up to a meditative, quiet singing of the German hymn Deck Thyself, My Soul, With Gladness. Dante Alighieri sees abstract art is the highest level of excellence that an artist can attain, and these examples lead me to see that often, abstract art is a way for especially these artists, especially Christian ones, to glorify God, giving Him their best.

Every One is Equally Ugly, and thus Equally Justified before God

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Romans 3:22-24

What do we do with the ugly histories we discovered about others? And even, the present ugly things that they are doing? There are two ways to go from here, one of which is to pray for them in love and mourning, the other is to gossip and share more information in groups of people, making this distinction of the Other. Looking at what Christ did in His earthy ministry, we know what the 'model answer' is. Internalising this 'model answer', not just knowing, would be a proof of the Holy Spirit giving life to our mortal bodies which are dead in sin (Romans 8:11). When responding to things that suddenly disfigure my impression of people around me, I need to be careful to not slant myself towards judging, only concentrating on criticising the speck of sawdust in the eye of that person, paying no attention to the plank in my own eye. We are all sinners. The wonderful thing is that it doesn't stop there: we have been justified by grace through faith in our Redeemer, and we are all Christians who are exposed to the temptation of sin, who can stumble.

Sanctifying our food through prayer

For every creature of God is good, and nothing is to be rejected, if it be received with thanksgiving: for it is sanctified through the word of God and prayer.
I Timothy 4:4-5

Having mentioned their hypocritical fastings, the apostle takes occasion to lay down the doctrine of the Christian liberty, which we enjoy under the gospel, of using God's good creatures,—that, whereas under the law there was a distinction of meats between clean and unclean (such sorts of flesh they might eat, and such they might not eat), all this is now taken away; and we are to call nothing common or unclean, Acts x. 15.

Here observe,
1. We are to look upon our food as that which God has created; we have it from him, and therefore must use it for him. 2. God, in making those things, had a special regard to those who believe and know the truth, to good Christians, who have a covenant right to the creatures, whereas others have only a common right. 3. What God has created is to be received with thanksgiving. We must not refuse the gifts of God's bounty, nor be scrupulous in making differences where God has made none; but receive them, and be thankful, acknowledging the power of God the Maker of them, and the bounty of God the giver of them: Every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, v. 4. This plainly sets us at liberty from all the distinctions of meats appointed by the ceremonial law, as particularly that of swine's flesh, which the Jews were forbidden to eat, but which is allowed to us Christians, by this rule, Every creature of God is good. Observe, God's good creatures are then good, and doubly sweet to us, when they are received with thanksgiving.—For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer, v. 5. It is a desirable thing to have a sanctified use of our creature-comforts.

Now they are sanctified to us,
(1.) By the word of God; not only his permission, allowing us the liberty of the use of these things, but his promise to feed us with food convenient for us. This gives us a sanctified use of our creature-comforts.

(2.) By prayer, which blesses our meat to us. The word of God and prayer must be brought to our common actions and affairs, and then we do all in faith. Here observe, [1.] Every creature is God's, for he made all. Every beast in the forest is mine (says God), and the cattle upon a thousand hills. I know all the fowls of the mountains, and the wild beasts of the field are mine, Ps. l. 10, 11. [2.] Every creature of God is good: when the blessed God took a survey of all his works, God saw all that was made, and, behold, it was very good, Gen. i. 31. [3.] The blessing of God makes every creature nourishing to us; man lives not by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God (Matt. iv. 4), and therefore nothing ought to be refused. [4.] We ought therefore to ask his blessing by prayer, and so to sanctify the creatures we receive by prayer.

Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible on I Timothy 4

And so we do not say grace blindly, but with a heart of thanksgiving, enjoying the covenant right of Christian liberty that Christ has offered with His blood. How true and wondrous to know that God's gift of food is doubly sweet for Christians when we receive it with thanksgiving through prayer, because it is sanctified and we are once again reminded that we have been freed from the laws of the Torah and we can have fellowship with God through our Mediator.

Reflections on Tour and Extension

Much as I have wanted to enjoy myself by being totally immersed music, friendship, fellowship and foreign culture, I have come to realise that God didn't want me to be all-jolly on this trip that I went - it was a time of refining and spiritual growth. And so, countless tears were shed, and many doubts clouded my head. I stumbled, and when I did, thank God, He used His hymns and people to encourage me to set my heart right before Him again.

There was a point of time during the trip I felt unappreciated and bullied, and that got me doubting the friendship and equality in the community I was in especially during this trip. I wouldn't say that this community is thus nasty - i felt discouraged because I took the criticisms to heart, negating the constructive intention that the critics usually had. Neither would I say too, that this community is actually perfect. As with human nature, we are flawed. But the response that I should have is to recognise these flaws and do my part in changing those that can be alleviated, while accepting those that are immutable because the power of change is beyond my reach. At the end of it all, I can still thank God for the peace, joy and growth that I have gained for Him having given me the vocation of being a chorister of an established group. My experiences in this choir is part of life on this earth, isn't it? That we should persevere while on earth, seeking to glorify God and please Him in what we do (I Corinthians 10:31).

And so I stumbled because I forgot that my ability to sing was from God, perhaps in a more literal sense in my case. I only started singing (of course, you don't count the singing that one does during worship) at a much later stage than most other alumni - when I joined the choir in 2005. Yet God answered my prayer for the gift of singing, giving me the courage to learn difficult pieces even though I was notes-illiterate. So who do I sing for? I got caught up with taking things people said personally, and it boiled down to being self-centred, which is dangerously easy because of the conspicuous, performant nature of singing. I forgot that God always listens, and always looks at my heart, if I'm singing sincerely without conceit, jealousy or self-degradation.

There was another time I stumbled, because I did not trust my close friends enough, and did not empathise with them so much as to understand that they can act differently when in uncomfortable circumstance. I was lacerated inside out, whether to the person's consciousness or oblivion, and the worst thing to do is to respond with self-pity or with anger and jealousy. Lo and behold, I chose that worst thing to do, my heart stolen by the devil away from God yet again. I couldn't stand under this trial to love people who suddenly interacted with me in a way that was frustratingly ambiguous, it became a thorough temptation for me that totally marred my trip. It isn't a pleasant thing at all to recount the specific experiences and things I witnessed even now, but far greater than the sorrow and hopelessness I felt is God's mercy and love. How true it is that God is faithful and did not let me be tempted beyond what I could bear. He provided a way out so that I could stand up under it (from my favourite verse, I Corinthians 10:13) - and this is why I can recount all these and give thanks to Him.

Indeed, 'we do not have a a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.' (Hebrews 4:15-16)

Just when I need Him, He is my all,
Answering when upon Him I call;
Tenderly watching lest I should fall,
Just when I need Him most.
From Just When I Need Him Most, William C Poole (1907)

Here I also want to thank Jing Hui, Jing Ping, Krystal and Chin Yuan for soothing my wounds, helping me put aside my sadness when I shouldn't show it, lending me a listening ear, praying with and for me, and pointing to our Heavenly Father whom I had turned my eyes away from when I stumbled. Thank you.