As The Eldest Child

As the eldest child, I often lamented being the experiment of my parents' virgin parenthood. My parents raised me up in a very laissez-faire manner, giving me all the freedom I had. However, there were times or even periods of behaviour inconsistent with this trust they had in me. Especially during my rebellion phase, my mum always clamped down on my life. No doubt she knew commands were the most direct and efficient way to steer her beloved daughter away from danger. I couldn't truly understand why she imposed many restrictions however. I was taught never to ask why. When I did ask, my mum only reasserted her authority by warning me against making her angry and flare up. So I spent many a time in my room from young struggling with tears and self-censorship.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit, who intercedes for us when we are in weakness (Rom 8:26), when we are unable to express the pain through language. It was the many prayers and pleas I made in this same room that God drew me closer to Him. Now that I have a much younger sister (11 years younger), I thank God that I can be a comforter to her. She needn't wrestle with things she didn't understand but had to accept. Over some small dispute involving some ice cubes and water, she felt overwhelmingly that she was being treated unfairly. So she went to her room and cried. Initially I rolled my eyes, irking at the touchy feely things I had to say to calm her down. But the more I explained and reconciled the upset in her, the more I was reminded of II Cor 1:3-4.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

After the showering of sisterly love and an afterward-complained painfully choking prayer (because I made my sis repeat it after me), she was noticeably much calmer. How amazing it is, that talking to our Father in Heaven gives us immediate peace and solace. Some atheists like to think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy - prayer as just a euphemism for psychological self-talk. I beg to differ. In fact, all Christians beg to differ. We've all felt the work of the Holy Spirit and the love of God but that's not the issue here heh. I am grateful that as an eldest sister, I can help mould my sis to learn and love Christ and she doesn't have to bear her own tears alone - because she has a jiejie who can stand by her in Christ.

In this way, I don't think God is being unfair to me, that being the eldest child in my family meant I had to learn many things in a tougher way. There are still challenges for me as the eldest, such as carrying my parents' baton to bring home the bacon and being exemplary as a Christian daughter and sister. I know that there are many benefits to be gained. What I have overcome with the Lord's help equips me with the ability to comfort others. Praise God!

November 1

"Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply!
Thanks for pain, and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair!
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare!"

"Thanks to God" st. 2, by August Ludwig Storm for the Swedish Salvation Army, 1891

Thank God for another birthday that passed, for it marks full 19 years of grace, love and mercy God has blessed me with. It is indeed wonderful that I have learnt to thank God for all things sweet and bitter -it's not been an easy 19 years for me and my family- just like how the hymn says we should thank God for pain and pleasure. In light of this I was reading Psalm 139, the psalm from which another of my favourite hymns was inspired.

God is our Father, and I don't think how much more literal can it be than in Psalm 139. Isn't it amazing to know that even before birth, God has been taking care of us? He made sure that every in every nucleus of our cells, we had 23 pairs of chromosomes, and that in every growth of the embryo, we were safe and were developing as normal, able-bodied babies. David says "you knit me in my mother's womb" (v13) and His "eyes saw my unformed body" (v16) He preserved our lives in healthy wombs so that we could last three trimesters before seeing the world. If you think about it, how many babies actually get to come to the world?

Our heavenly Father has watched us grow from young and He is "familiar with all" our ways (v3). He understands our joy, pain and struggles deep down in the smallest crevice in our hearts. Even when when we contemplate to defy Him by sinning, He knows it too. "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?" (v7) Reflecting on the rebellion when I was 15, God knew I was going against Him. I was apathetic and even got defensive against His Word at one point. I skipped church, retaliated verbally against my parents, scolded the F word and partook in dirty jokes and fervent gossiping and maligning, and I even went into a traumatic, much regretted puppy-love relationship with a muslim. God is omnipresent, He was there and witnessed every one of my contemplation about sinning and the actual sins I committed. He could have punished me then and taught me a really painful lesson, like how He punished the 42 kids in Bethel. Yet, His love and respect for my freedom wanted me to return to Him, convinced and un-reluctantly. I sure did, after the constant probing and calling of the Holy Spirit- thank God. Like the injured lamb who depends on his shepherd after it was found, God brought me back, close to Him and forgave my sins. He loves me so much, how can I ever go astray again?

Every birthday is a delightful moment to accord especial glory to God. My 19th birthday has seen God's fulfilling of His never-failing Promise: "The Lord bless you and keep you." (Num 6:24), and going many more epochs back, the fulfilling of His promise to old, faithful Abraham.

19 years of preservation.
19 years of nourishment.
19 years of disciplining.
19 years of mercy.
19 years of grace.
19 years of tears.
19 years of smiles.

19 years of love...

and many more years of God's blessings! O Lord, surely "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Ps 139: 14) Amen!

Martyred For Me

Today we commemorated the Reformation and I watched the biography of John Huss. John Huss was learned and he, like Martin Luther, had the blessed privilege to read the Bible. In realising the error of Catholic penance, he voluntarily went to Germany to clarify his stand to the religious council, only to be imprisoned and eventually burnt on the stake in 1415, two centuries before Reformation really took off. Even till death, he never got to explain his stand because the council refused to let him, slamming him as a man of the Anti-Christ. in the court in of the public, he was cursed by the archbishop to be sent to hell and had to wear a phony paper crown that literally labelled him as a heretic. On the stake, he died singing an old, old hymn: 'Jesus, the son of David, save me from sin'...

The film left me greatly stricken with shame and thankfulness. John Huss was only one of the many martyrs who laid down their blood on the path of hope for greater salvation for me. These forefathers sacrificed themselves and trusted in God's promise for something more beautiful, like how Abraham, Noah and many others lived on faith in Hebrews 11. Back then, every single copy of the English Bible was so greatly treasured, because the translators risked their lives and safety to write it. Yet, I have not treasured my Bible, God's Word, as much as I want to. And Huss died singing, what a way to offer a last sweetsmelling sacrifice to God! amidst the many mixed feelings which i believed he had, God gave him His song to sing to a fitting comfort for his soul. These prosecuted Christians shone strongly in the dark world. I have religious freedom, and i feel all the more ashamed that I'm not taking advantage of it to live and preach Christ more. And to preach Christ is to live His Word. How could I live His Word if I do not pay attention to it on Sunday mornings, because of late Saturday nights spent idling? Huss, like Christ, died so that I may live a new life, but sometimes my old self pulls me back from living a life showing God's glory.

God has so entrusted in us the treasure of salvation. We are, and I am, but earthen vessels, as Paul says in II Corinthians 4 - cheap, dispensable individuals that are so fragile. Yet, it is because we are weak, that God's strength and wisdom may be manifested. God's grace is the informidable lacquer, so that we may be hard pressed but never crushed. through this, we become very valuable vessels worthy for good use instead. where God breaks the vessels of martyrs like John Huss, the treasure that is contained within is exposed, and shines all the more brightly to the world. I am but a jar of clay, but I am a child of God. How wonderful can this be?

O Lord, you know that I am weak, so I ask for your strength and grace, so that I may be a loyal steward of your gospel. Let me not put out the Holy Spirit's fire and help me live my faith for your glory.

My Nicodemus Error

Last Sunday, I attended bible study class as usual and I made a pretty embarrassing mistake in front of the class and my pastor. My instant reaction of embarrassment was because there were so many adults, deacons and elders more well-versed and skilled at understanding the Bible. My dad was sitting beside me.

When Rev Tang (my pastor) asked for possible explanations for why Nicodemus approached Jesus at night in the "born again" passage, John 3:1-21, some people suggested that (1) Nicodemus, being a Pharisee and a member of the Sanhedrin, only dared to find Jesus without having his reputation threatened. (The common Pharisee was a Jesus-skeptic.) (2) Nicodemus hoped to find Jesus only after His day of evangelising and healing work was finished. Nicodemus empathised Jesus' efforts of labour. In my enthusiasm to share what I had read and analysed before, I suggested that he did it at night as part of the Pharisees' attempt to tempt Him when He is off-guard, ie: without the presence of others. I even went on to back it up with v2, the collective entity "we", meaning that Nicodemus came and was speaking as a representative of the Pharisees. Then in Jesus' response, He asked "how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?" (v12), thus questioning the motive of Nicodemus' visit. My conjecture was based on the many incidents in the Gospel Books where the Pharisees tried tempting Jesus, such as asking Him what the Greatest Commandment is (Matt 22:35-6).

And my suggestion turned out to be wrong, as in the misconstrued, impossible kind of wrong. At the height of my embarrassment, I comforted myself that (1) was wrong too hehe.

From what is written about Nicodemus in the Bible, he was never one of the Jesus-skeptics (virtually aka the rest of the Pharisees). He was in fact a man who defended Christ, an act made nobler and brighter when he defies popular opinions. After the preaching at the Feast of Tabernacles, Nicodemus helped thwart plans of the temple guards to seize Jesus. In front of his 'own number', he spoke for Jesus (John 7:50-51). He cared for our dear Jesus. He was there after Jesus' bloodletting on the cross. He used his money to buy 34kg of myrrh and aloes, incenses that were only used by the rich aristocrats then. With that precious myrrh, he prepared Jesus' body for burial. What I saw was not scheming Nicodemus, but a courageous Nicodemus that so loved and respected Jesus. Just like the myrhh, I believe Nicodemus' love has been a sweetsmelling incense to God just as it has been to John, who referred to him as "the man who earlier visited Jesus at night".

I have definitely read those passages before. So why did I misinterpret the Bible (and loving Nicodemus)? It's been a long time since I read the whole of a Gospel Book so I forgot certain events and their details. And the last time I read one, or any other Scripture with many names inside, I read it passively. I didn't engage myself in the text, reading it for the sake of reaching the last chapter. I could remember who Curt Lemon or Lavender was after reading O'Brien's "The Things They Carried" once. I could remember the 'moribund killer' Karl Yundt after reading Conrad's "Secret Agent". If I engage myself when reading academic literature, why didn't I engage myself even more for the precious Word?

I'm glad I made this embarrassing mistake in front of people. I know where I went wrong and how I can help improve my interpretation of God's Word. And because of what I learnt, committing my Nicodemus error isn't that embarrassing after all. :)

Engrish.com

I do here and now present to you..pictures from engrish.com!
I find some of them seriously hilarious. Take a break from work and amused hahaha.

Photo courtesy of Gabriel Camelin.
Found in Bangkok, Thailand.
- It's Thailand and its amusing engrish again!


Photo courtesy of Wayne.
T-shirt found in Japan.


"On the upside, they're dry..."
Found at Heian Jingu in Kyoto, Japan.


"Got too many kids?"
Photo courtesy of Craig Walters.
- Sounds so so wrong!


Photo courtesy of Michael Boo.
Found in Qingdao (Tsingtao), China.


"Communist playgrounds suck..."
Photo courtesy of Brian Murphy.
Found in Guizhou Province, China.

Teehee! PLEASE find it funny. I hope I'm not going crazy. Back to work now ta-ta!

Drawings from Esther and Yours Truly

Ahh it's the weekend again. One week less to approaching assignment deadlines, aka impending doom.
As an attempt to stop stressed hairshafts from potentially losing any more melanin, here are some amusing drawings for self-amusement so I can be amused.



_____, the Troll. I can't remember this fella's name, but Esther (my 8-year old sis) drew this for an English assignment. She described it as having "small" eyes, "big" mouth, "small" hands and "small" feet. It is also very "short". (quotations taken from her answers in the blanks she had to fill for description.) This troll is supposed to be WANTED. Mean-looking monster..I'm greatly tickled! cutez.

And now on to a higher-class masterpiece: MY brainchild that was conceived just a while ago. It has a lot of scientific truth in it and is of extreme pertinence to the controversies of Climate Change.



The black dots are our dissolved CO2 friends who enter the ocean from the air. Then our other friends, Plankton and Friends and Mr and Mrs Underwater Tree eat the CO2 friends. It is so delicious that they say "Yum Yum!" in unison. Somehow/Eventually, the trees die. Plankton and Friends also die, but in a more evolved form. They end up in the familiar shape of whale excreta. And when you look more closely at our dear friends who are now lying on the ocean bed, our very first friends, the CO2s, still say hi to us. They exclaim, "We are here!". Although they are being trapped in the ocean bed and we cannot see them when we swim in the waters next time, our bonds of friendship remain tightly-knitted, because they have come to the good side. Not like their friends who still live in the air to harm us and make Singapore bakin hot.

Oh, and I think you can stop squinting or rubbing your eyes already. The pictures were blur teehee. Strangely I couldn't rotate the pictures hmph.

Jesus, I love You.

I am going to do the oh-so-cliché thingy here: putting down lyrics of a song wholesale. But, please read them don’t just scan through like how I usually do for Tom Dick and Harry songs, because this is NOT a Tom Dick and Harry song.

“My Jesus, I love Thee
I know Thou art mine,
For Thee, all the follies of sin I resign;
My gracious Redeemer, my Saviour art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus, tis’ now. 

I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree
I love Thee for wearing
The thorns on Thy brow
If ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus, tis’ now. 

I’ll love Thee in life
I’ll will love Thee in death
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
“If ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus, tis’ now.” 

In mansions of glory and endless delight
I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow,
“If ever I loved Thee,
My Jesus,
Tis’ now.”

William Ralph Featherston, 1864

Today I sang this hymn for the congregation’s 27th anniversary, with the accompaniment of a wonderful budding flautist. I like how Featherston says it so plainly but powerfully in the refrain, "O Jesus, have I loved you before? Yes, I love you right now." The Chinese version interprets it slightly differently- it's not just about loving dear Jesus right now, but loving him more than before.

Featherston was born into a Christian family, but only converted when he was 16 in 1862, and wrote this passionate and romantic hymn to Jesus. Remember how we felt so passionate and zealous and moved when we first accepted Christ? I remember that wonderful feeling, that 'first love' for Jesus that Paul says we should always have. I knew what to do to show my love for Him, but at the same time I didn't know exactly how to do. Underlying this passion nonetheless was a heart shook by God's grace and Word, which seems to be diminishing and replaced by potentially ritualistic Christian life for me, or for some others, it seems to die down and they grow numb to it.

"Tis' now." Thank God for reminding me to always refocus my life on loving Him. For the past week, I've been meditating on this in line with a verse I came across from quiet time, which talks about having 'zeal' and 'spiritual fervour' (Rom 12:11). Big emotion words they are: what matters more is application. And I'm glad that the friendly neighbours of v11 teach us examples of application. v17 says "Do not repay anyone evil for evil." In my Bible I have my New Year Resolution 2007 card, I made a resolution to love enemies, those unloveable by human nature. Looking back on this year, I'd say I can do better at that, though I've managed to accomplish quite a bit. I don't want to be a Christian blog rhetoric more than living a "Jesus you are mine. I love you" life.

Featherston says Jesus is his and he is confident of being rewarded in eternal life. It means more than a patriarchal ego (heh) or a nice-sounding phrase to claim Jesus as one's own. Sure it happens the other way round, but to say Jesus is mine means I must be proactive in loving Him- having good faith in waiting for prayers to be answered, trusting the beauty of His Will in life's rocky roads, knowing that Jesus never leaves promises unfulfilled even though it may sometimes seem so to the world.

Jesus loves us, and His love is exemplified by dying for us all while we were still sinners and didn't know Him. Loving God with spiritual fervour will die off with the human's weak capacity to love an Intangible. And sometimes it seems so easy to do things in the name of God for Man instead, to idolise the latter and defeat all the work done. So I pray that dear Jesus will keep my love growing for Him, and when I get caught up with the world, to turn my eyes and look full in His wonderful face.